


Almost Is Never Enough

by senheisei



Series: Almost Is Never Enough [1]
Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, TakaYama - Fandom, YamaJima - Fandom, YamaYuto - Fandom, yutoyama - Fandom
Genre: AAAAAAAANNNGST in EVERY CHAPTER, Friendship, M/M, Romance-Drama, Slice of Life, mention of other JUMP pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-28 08:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20061112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/senheisei/pseuds/senheisei
Summary: Two inseparable kids played by fate’s hands.Two friends drifted apartTwo souls finding their way back to each otherTwo, wanting to become one but will never be as one.Fanfiction inspired by Ariana Grande's song of the same title.





	1. Almost Stopped

The kids inside the room are starting to be noisy once their teacher announced that they're going to have a new classmate. Almost everyone, except the kid at the back.

"Hajimemashite..." A petite voice of a boy made the room silent.

Yuto, who was sitting in the back and silently staring outside the window, turned to look infront and saw a boy about his age, with a round face and bumpy cheek smiling at everyone.

"My name is Yamada Ryosuke. I'll be your new classmate. I hope that we'll get along. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!" The boy then bowed and his new classmates, especially the girls, have shown interest in being his friend.

"Thank you, Yamada-kun. Please take the vacant seat beside Nakajima-kun." The teacher gestured her hand where the seat is and Ryosuke bowed politely before going to it.

The entire class, including Yuto this time, watched him walk and smile at everyone like his smile is already tattooed on his face.

He sat beside Yuto but his smile faded when Yuto turned his gaze back outside the window. Ryosuke sat silently and just listened to their teacher during the entire discussion.

It was like that until their break. The new classmates tried communicating and being friendly to the newcomer and Ryosuke is very glad to have this kind of new friends. However, he can't be really stay at ease since the person closest to him, literally, seem to be unfriendly and he finds it awkward.

The bell rang for the end of the class and to Ryosuke's surprise, the guy beside him is staring, more like glaring at him. His looks made Ryosuke move a back from his seat.

"D-doushita no?"

Few more moments of glaring, and Ryosuke couldn't deny that he's already shaking from his glares.

"I'm Nakajima Yuto." he suddenly smiled widely and offered his hand to Ryosuke. "Welcome to our class!"

Ryosuke blinked. And blinked again. Trying to figure out if this guy talking to him is the same guy who was glaring at him a while ago.

"I-I'm--" he stuttered as he reached for Yuto's hand.

"Do you think I'm not listening? Ryo-chan?"

"E-ee?"

Yuto laughed and it seems to get the other kid's attention.

"It's okay to call you Ryo-chan, deshou?"

"Nakajima-kun..."

Yuto shuffled Ryosuke's hair and smiled even wider. "Don't be too formal towards me. We'll be classmates so it's okay to just call me Yuto."

Some of the kids started mumbling random noises. Well it was new for them to see Yuto being this friendly. Although he gets along with them, he's not the type to drop all formalities since he always feels almighty when he's being called with honorifics.

"Ryo-chan, where do you live?" Yuto asked while they're cleaning the classroom.

Ryosuke told where he lives and it looks like Yuto is living in the same neighborhood.

"Issho ni okaerou!" Yuto invited and Ryosuke is just beyond happy to find a nice friend on the first day of their meeting.

"Unn!"

It became their routine everyday to go together, home and school. They are also building a good friendship and the one that Ryosuke thought is a cold and awkward person is actually this nice and kind. He never felt alone because Yuto was always with him, helping him familiarize in his new neighborhood, in school and also with making friends. They would also sometimes stay at night in the nearby playground where they spend the time stargazing. Ryosuke loves competing with Yuto in looking for constellations or tracing the stars to write their names. They are both having a great time together as days pass.

"Ryo-chan..."

Ryosuke looks at Yuto when he tapped his shoulder.

"Obaasan told me to do the groceries for today. Will you be okay going home alone?"

"You're doing the groceries? Can I come with you? I want to help."

"But it may take me some time and come home late. Your mom might scold you."

"I'll just give her a call. I can use this school's phone to tell her. It will be okay!"

Yuto smiled widely and nodded. He and Ryosuke approached their adviser to help the latter call his mom and ask permission which was given to him.

They went to the grocery together. Yuto followed what was written on his list while Ryosuke checked his allowance to see if he can also do some shopping.

"Sou ie ba, Yuto-kun lives with your obaasan only. Deshou?"

Yuto nodded. "Otousan died on a plane crash 3 years ago. And okaasan married someone else. I have a younger brother though. His name is Raiya and he's living with them."

Ryosuke suddenly felt sad and sorry for asking these. Yuto must be hurting right now that he's reminded of it. But when he looked at Yuto, he was still smiling while taking a bag of sugar. He felt awkward to continue such conversation so he looked somewhere else, trying to find a new topic.

"Uwaa-- Yuto-kun. Hora, mite." he went to the next shelf where picked up a candy bar and showed it to his friend. "Tutti Fruitti..."

"What's with that?"

Ryosuke pointed him. "Yutti."

"Huh?"

"Mattaku. You're so slow! Don't you get the rhyme? Tutti Fruitti Yutti."

Yuto blinked confusedly, Ryosuke deadpanned and returned the candy bar back to its place.

"Whatelse is written on your list?"

"Ryo-chan, what was that?"

"Hm? Which one?"

"Is that a nickname?" he grinned.

"Which one?"

Yuto points himself. "Yutti."

It was Ryosuke's turn to blink in confusion this time, and Yuto just rolled his eyes.

"You're the slow one here!"

"Oi! I am not!" Ryosuke complained immediately which just made Yuto chuckle.

"Kawaii~"

"Kawaii janai!"

"Uwa-- tsundere ka?"

"Mou, Yutti! Let's just get this done! It's getting late."

Yuto laughed his heart out and shuffled the other's hair. "Hai, hai."

They were stopped when someone bumped into Yuto from behind. He almost bumped into Ryosuke too but he was quick to find his balance. They both looked at the man who didn't even bother to apologize and just went on his way on the grocery.

"Daijoubu?"

"Unn. Daijoubu desu."

"No. I mean... Is it okay to call you Yutti?"

Yuto's smile widen and he nodded happily. "Unn! It's a name only Ryo-chan calls me. Ureshii!"

"Jyaa, from now on, I will call you Yutti, Yutti." They both giggled.

After that, they headed to the counter to pay for their groceries. It took a little late than Yuto thought since the two of them are having fun together at the shop.

“I’ll just pay for these. You can go ahead and wait for me by the exit.” Yuto suggested and Ryosuke obeyed.

He went out first and while waiting for Yuto, he saw his friend from the other school he came from. They had a little talk when he realized that it’s been few minutes and Yuto is still not finished. There’s only less than 10 people on the counter so he should be finished by then. He excused himself from his friend to check Yuto, but the kid is no longer on the line. What caught him rather was the group of people, and an obvious police’s hat.

“Kids these days are really… I wonder what their parents are doing.” One of the saleslady sighed as she watched the group walk to the emergency exit.

“Kid?” he thought to himself. Then he checked the counter where he left Yuto, and saw the items they put together on their grocery basket. “Could it be..”

He gasped with the thought and immediately chase the crowd.

“Wait up! Wait! I’m with him!”

“Ryo-chan!” he heard Yuto shout, he knows that his friend is crying.

He pushed his way to get pass the people around Yuto, being held by a policeman.

“Yutti! Let him go!” he tried to pull the man’s hands off of Yuto, but he failed.

“Ryo-chan…”

  
“I am with him! He didn’t do anything bad! I’m with him, I can prove you that!”

“So this kid is your accomplice?”

“NO!” Yuto shouted loudly. “I… I did it alone! I was alone! He’s lying, you didn’t see him with me, right?”

Ryosuke stopped from fighting the police. His eyes widen as he watched Yuto being taken away.

“Go home, Ryo-chan. Your parents must be worried about you.” Yuto smiled before going inside the police car.

“Yutti…”

“Gomen ne? For today, I won’t be going home with you.”

He can’t believe of what’s happening, or what happened. He doesn’t know what happened and why was Yuto taken by the police.

“I… I should be the one to say sorry.” His tears started to flow as he watched the car go. “If I didn’t go… If I stayed with you, I could’ve defended you. I’m sorry, Yutti.”

\- - - - -

It’s been a week since the incident and Ryosuke haven’t heard anything from Yuto, nor he attended the class. When Ryosuke tries to visit his friend’s place, no one is home. Even Yuto’s obaasan is not around. He’s worried about how his bestfriend was doing.

He heard from the rumors that Yuto picked-pocket that day. He knows Yuto wouldn’t do that. He is with Yuto and he saw his purse before they went in. The rumor spread in their neighborhood and in their school. And it worries him even more. He wants to speak for Yuto, but he doesn’t know what to say. He’s not sure. He is just a new boy and he is afraid that no one would believe him. Not even his parents believe him. He even got scolded for going with Yuto that day, and was told to stay away from him.

It hurts him to know that Yuto is suffering alone, when he could’ve done something. But he stayed silent.

He decided to drop by Yuto’s place again. And he caught Yuto’s image in the backyard.

“Yutti!” he quickly ran and almost climbed up the fences. “Yutti, please talk to me!”

Yuto stopped and looked at him. He froze on his place when the kid smiled blankly at him.

“We have nothing to talk about, Ryo-chan.”

“We have a lot to talk about!” He continued climbing the fences which made the other panic.

“Are you stupid? Get down there!”  
  
“It could’ve been easier if you opened the gates for me—“

Both of them fell on the ground when Yuto tried to catch him.

“Baka!”

“You are the baka one here, Ryo-chan! What if I didn’t catch you? What if you fell in a bad shape?”

They both got up and sat on the ground. Ryosuke was looking down while holding on Yuto’s knees.

“You are the most stupid person I ever met.”

“I’m sorry, Ryo-chan.”

“If I didn’t leave you back there… If I just stayed by your side…”

“…It’ll be a bad thing for both of us.”

Ryosuke lifted his head and looked at Yuto.

“Their accusations about me are true, Ryo-chan. I did it. I don’t have money.” Yuto’s voice broke. “I’m really sorry, Ryo-chan.”

“I don’t care! Don’t listen to what others say!”

“But it’s true!”  
  
“I said I don’t care!”

Yuto stopped when Ryosuke yelled.

“You are kind. You are hard-working. I am happy being with you. What they say about you is not what I see from you.”

“Ryo-chan…” Yuto started crying loud. “I’m tired already. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Ryosuke pulled Yuto to a hug. They are still young, but Yuto is already living a tough life. He also learned that the obaasan Yuto refers to is not a relative but a friend of his late father. He just kept on hugging Yuto as he cried until he calmed down.

“Don’t think that everyone hates you. The Yuto they speak about is a different Yuto from what I am seeing. I’m with you. Tomodachi dakara.” He smiled and patted Yuto’s head.

Yuto nodded before pulling away from Ryosuke.

“Arigatou…”

“Ne… Can you come to school tomorrow? I miss going home with you.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry, Ryo-chan.”  
  
“Ee? Why?”

He saw Yuto bit his lips before looking at him.

“Hontou ni gomen. From now on, I can no longer go home with you.”  
  
“But why?”

“I’m moving away, Ryo-chan. My mom wants me to be with them, so they can watch over me. Tomorrow, I’ll be transferring school.”


	2. Almost Caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the incident, Yuto left and studied in another country. And after taking some time to heal, he decided to return and look for Ryosuke.

_ **6 years passed.** _

It’s already 6 years when Yuto left the small town where he experienced both terrible and wonderful things in the past.

Terrible. As the rumors ruined his childhood. He knows he’s at fault. He was so desperate that time to help his obaasan. The old lady is not even his relative, but she took care of him as if he was her own son. And when she fell sick and couldn’t go to work for weeks, he wanted to do anything to help in the household. He thought of asking help from his mother but he can’t contact her until that incident. No one in the neighborhood, or that’s what he thought, is willing to help him. Only his obaasan showed care to him.

And Ryosuke.

He used to be alone. He used to people around him showing no care. And he doesn’t care as well. Until Ryosuke came. The kid made him feel that he is important. And Ryosuke chose to hang out with him, instead of other friends he has in school, saying that he’s more comfortable to be with than others. The days he spent with Ryosuke are what makes that place memorable for him.

And it’s time for him to go back.

His mom passed away the previous year. While his step-father, who is now working abroad, took Raiya with him. While he was left alone to finish his college in Japan.

With him left to live alone, he wanted to do things on his own. And that is finding Ryosuke. Years may have passed, but he knows to himself that he wants to be with Ryosuke. And now is the time to search for him. He found out that his childhood friend has always been in that town, and he’s taking his chances of enrolling to the nearest university, in hopes of finding Ryosuke there.

He looked at the stars from the train’s window. It made him smile as a picture of his young self, tracing stars with Ryosuke, flashed in his mind.

“Aitai yo, Ryo-chan…”

\- - - - -

Later the night after moving in and having his university schedule, Yuto decided to unwind on the nearby playground they used to stay at. The place changed a bit. The swing looks new, the slide was given a new design, seesaws are also different. Almost everything is new in the place. Except that one guy sitting on the usual bench.

He grabbed himself two cans of cold soda from the vendo. One he gulped quickly to calm himself, and one… maybe for offering or a conversation starter.

He slowly approached the guy. Not even 100% sure that it is the same person he’s looking for. He took his time to stare at him and memorize his features, as the guy has his eyes closed. His hair looks different, and his cheeks are less fluffy than he remembers. 6 years changed a lot not only for him, but for Ryosuke as well.

He gently pressed the cold can on the guy’s cheek, which made the other startled and look at him.

_Those round brown orbs…_

His heart started pounding harder and the smile on his face widen as they stared at each other. Ryosuke is obviously confused of who he was, but he is now certain.

“Hisashiburi!” he tried to keep his cool and sat beside Ryosuke. “Looks like you forgot about me, Ryo-chan.”

“Y-Yutti..?”

His smile even widens. He felt like flying, hearing that name again after 6 long years.

“You look tired, want some drink?” he offered the can to his friend.

“Yutti…”

He chuckled as Ryosuke almost whispered to himself. “Yep! It’s me. How are you doing?”

And that’s when he received a whack on his head.

“Don’t surprise me like that!”

“Itta-!” he held his head. “Is that how you greet an old friend?”

Ryosuke grabbed the can from his hand and pressed it on his face. “How about this? Is this how you greet an old friend? After leaving me with no contact for 6 years? Do you think we’re still as close as ever?”

Yuto laughed while covering his face and holding Ryosuke’s hand to stop the can.

“Sorry! Are you saying we are no longer friends?”

“Did you hear me say that?”

“No. But it sounded like that.”

“You’re still the most stupid person I ever known.”

Ryosuke moved away and sat properly. He placed the can beside him on the bench, and stared at Yuto.

“How are you? I haven’t heard from you since the day you left.”

“I’m doing great! As you see, I’m back in town. So you’ll be hearing a lot from me.” He chuckled.

“Aa, that’s bad. I’ll be dealing with the most stupid person ever.”

“Don’t you want me here?”

He can’t help but ask. He is not sure. He knows Ryosuke loves bickering with his close friends, and picking up a cat-fight with him. But that was years ago. He’s not sure if that young Ryosuke is still inside the Ryosuke he is with.

But his friend stared intently into his eyes, and a shy smile flashed on his face.

“Maybe I just can’t say it properly. But I’m more than relieved that you are here again, Yutti.”

“You mean, you missed me?”  
  
“Pff—just a bit.” Ryosuke even gestured his fingers to make a small pinch.

“Aw! You’re still so cute, Ryo-chan!” He can’t help himself anymore and hugged his friend. “I missed you too!”

“Urusee! I said just a bit, okay? I mean it!” he felt the smaller guy struggling from his hug.

“You mean, it’s okay if I go now again?”

It was rather a stupid question, he thought. What if Ryosuke says ‘yes’? He can feel his heart skipping beats on his chest.

“Baka. I-it’s not like that…”

His smile softens and gently tighten the hug.

“J-just… d-don’t hug me suddenly. It’s gross.”

He laughed and pulled away to shuffle Ryosuke’s hair.

“Sorry. I just missed you a lot, Ryo-chan.”  
  
“But you’ll be annoying me again from now on.”

“I’ll be glad to! To add on that, I just enrolled on the nearby university.”

He saw Ryosuke’s jaw dropped. For a moment, he held his breath. What if Ryosuke says he’s on another school? Or if he chose to work instead of continuing to college?

  
“I… I also enrolled on the same university! I’m taking up business course!”

“That’s amazing! But wait… business? Didn’t you mention before that you want to be a kindergarten teacher?”

Ryosuke smiled faintly and looked up at the stars.

“That was before. When we’re both free to dream of what we want.”

He didn’t know what to say. He knows that the Yamada’s run a corporation and there is a possibility that he’ll be taking over the family business soon. But he didn’t think Ryosuke would go to the extent of giving up his dreams for their family’s business.

“I… I see…”  
  
“And of course, it will be okay! How about you, Yutti?” Once again, Ryosuke’s voice became lively. “What did you take?”

“Oh! Me? I’m taking photography!”  
  
“Wow! You’ve always paid interest on cameras! I didn’t realize you are so much into it! Ganbatte ne!”

Yuto nodded. And an idea hit him.

“Ne… how about helping me practice my skills?”

  
  
“Photography? Sure! What would be your specific subject?”

“You.”

He knows he shouldn’t have blurted it out. It’s risky to suddenly ask for Ryosuke’s photos, especially that they just met again.

“Me?” Ryosuke chuckled, but if his eyes are not tricking him, he can see that the other is blushing lightly. “I’d be glad to! Please take a photo of me and the stars.”

Yuto took his chance to capture Ryosuke’s smiles. While Ryosuke gives feedbacks about the shots he took, and take them again in a better angle that the other wants.

Maybe he tricked Ryosuke this time, but he knows that they both had fun. And for the moment, it’s these photos that he’ll hold dear, as he waits and gathers his courage to tell Ryosuke about how he really feels.

\- - - - -

Their university days began and they found out that they have the same free day. Yuto could not be happier. There are days when their vacant hours are the same while there are those which they don’t even get a glance of each other by the hallway.

Yuto wants to make sure that every free hour he has, he will be with Ryosuke.

He knows that it sounds selfish, especially that he isn’t sure about what Ryosuke feel towards him. All he knows is it is better for them to stay friends for now.

“You’re wasting your time staring at him again.” He heard Keito whispered lowly.

From looking at their room’s window where he can see Ryosuke having sandwich with Chinen, he turned his gaze to his classmate on their literature subject.

“What?”

Keito also sneaked a peek by the window.  
  
“What if he likes that guy instead? That’s Chinen, if you don’t know. They have been classmates since—“  
  
“I know Chinen. We’ve been on the same class on my 6th grade. I mean, me, Ryo-chan and Chinen. Chinen is his bestfriend.”

“You said you are also his bestfriend? So what’s with that?”

Yuto chuckled. “I… honestly am not sure. He’s always with Chinen. Probably Chinen knows everything about him. Maybe I’m just his second bestfriend.”

“Ouch! You’re just an option.”

Yuto stopped and stared at Keito.

Keito has a point. But something tells him that he is not. Something tells him that there’s something about Ryosuke which he can show to him but not with Chinen. He believes that Ryosuke has a special spot for him.

“You know, you better tell him how you feel. He’s gaining the attention of our senpai and other girls. I heard from the other department that he turned down 3 girls last week. So there’s a rumor that maybe he’s gay. And he’s going out with Chinen.”

“3 girls!?”

Keito nodded. “You sounded so surprised. If I’m not with Hikaru, I’ll also probably ask him out.”

“Excuse me, what?”

“Haven’t you heard? They said he also got confessed by a senpai but he turned him down.”

“I… I heard he gets confessions, and he just told me he’s not interested. I didn’t know even guys confess to him.”

  
  
“So you better make a move.”

“B-but! But what if he turns me down too?”

Keito shrugged.

“All I can advise to you is. If you love him, you better give it a try. Before someone else gets him.”

He knows that Ryosuke has been attracting girls since elementary, but he didn’t realize that Ryosuke’s charms will also affect guys.

Or maybe he did.

When he first laid his eyes on him.

Yuto watched Ryosuke being approached by a pair of girls. They chatted for a while before they left, and Chinen laughed.

“Did he… did he just get another confession?”

Keito nodded, looking bored.

“I told you, you better move. To tell you the truth, I think he’s also gay.”

He took a deep breath and released it out loud.

“Okay. I’ll confess to him later.”

He received a pat on his back.

“That’s our boy.”

It also surprised him of what he said. But he already said it. Although Ryosuke openly talks about how sorry he feels when he turns down confession, the guy never tells why he rejects them, or if he has his eyes on someone else.

He planned it out quickly and tried to have his thoughts straight. He has to prepare something, but he knows that Ryosuke doesn’t like expensive stuff and would rather have something useful.

He went to a presents shop after class. Although he wants to avoid spending, as what Ryosuke wants, his eyes were caught by a pair of silver rings and he, without second thoughts, took it home. He also has to look presentable. He knew Ryosuke will be home at 7pm, and he should be there an hour later. He knows Ryosuke takes a bath upon coming to his own unit.

It was the moment of truth.

Yuto drove to Ryosuke’s unit, just before 8pm. But to his surprise, someone is already ringing his doorbell. He was stoned in his place as he saw a guy holding a bouquet of flowers infront of Ryosuke’s door. The door opened, with Ryosuke and his still wet and messy hair, wearing plain white shirt and jersey shorts. He’s smiling widely as he accepted the flowers to his arm, and Yuto thought he’s the most beautiful creation he ever laid his eyes on.

Not until the guy held him by the waist, and Ryosuke clung an arm on the other’s shoulder.

Indeed. It was the moment of truth.

For a moment, Yuto found it hard to breathe. He wished he shouldn’t have been where he was standing, but by Ryosuke’s doorstep. He wished it was him, feeling Ryosuke’s lips on his.

They broke the kiss and shared a hug. He can feel his heart shattering into pieces, but Ryosuke’s soft smile is also leaving a soothing effect on him. He is happy. It hurts him to see Ryosuke in someone else’s arms, but Ryosuke’s happiness is what makes him happy.

He bit his lips hard and clenched his fist, trying to hold back his tears.

“Y-Yutti?”

He lifted his head and saw Ryosuke already looking at him. His smile is brighter than ever.

“H-hi! I-I just happened to pass by. I… was going to Keito’s place. How are you doing? Oh! Y-you have a visitor, hi!” he chuckled awkwardly after making excuses.

Ryosuke giggled.

“He’s not a visitor, Yutti.”

The guy smiled at him and offered him a handshake, which he hesitantly accepted.

“Takaki-kun. He’s the one I mentioned to you before. My childhood friend, Yutti.”

“Domo! Takaki Yuya desu. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you!”

“Nakajima Yuto desu. Yoroshiku.”

“Yutti, I’d like you to meet Takaki-kun. My boyfriend.”


	3. Almost Held

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryosuke is in a relationship with Takaki. But somehow, he wishes that Takaki could be a little more like Yuto.

Ryosuke covered his face using his hands as he gets teased by Yuto. He can feel his cheeks and ears burning as he swatted away his friend’s hand poking his sides.

“Stop it, Yutti! It’s embarrassing!”  
  
“What’s embarrassing about your relation? Aren’t you both in love?”  
  
He shyly nodded. And received another poke.

“I said stop it! Mou!” he can’t stop his hand and a whack landed on Yuto’s head.

“Ou—Okay. I’ll stop.” Then Yuto turned his back to him.

He looked at his bestfriend and Yuto is already pouting while hugging his knees like a sulking kid.

“What’s with that look? So ugly!”

“You get embarrassed about something you should be proud of, but not about keeping a secret from me?”

“Ee?”

“You didn’t tell me you already have a boyfriend!”

“WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME NOW!? And why would I tell you, you’re not even asking me!”

“You said I’m your bestfriend! Do I even have to ask!? Shouldn’t you tell me because I am your bestfriend!?”

Gladly, they are both in the playground or they will be thought of having serious fight with their voices both high.

“It’s… it’s because I wasn’t sure yet…”  
  
“Wasn’t sure? What do you mean? You looked so sure when I saw you both kissing!” Yuto laughed and his hand instantly flew to whack his friend’s head again.

“It’s… it’s because…” he’s actually not sure why. But he has to say something so his bestfriend will stop teasing him. “Because I’m still young..? But now that I’m 18, I have to make decisions for myself.”

But Yuto just laughed on him. “You’re so childish, Ryo-chan! Nowadays, even 12 year olds get themselves a boyfriend!”

He slapped Yuto’s arm. “If you’re not interested with our story then I’ll just go ahead and rest.” He pretended to stand up and walk away but Yuto held his wrist.

“Wait! You have to tell me… how and why you fell in love with him.”

He looked at Yuto, who’s staring intently at him, and a pleading look in his eyes. That look on Yuto’s face that he can’t understand why he suddenly felt like he’s short of breath.

He sat down again to calm himself and try to push away his other thoughts to recall how he started with Takaki.

Two years after Yuto left, he met Takaki. Takaki was a friend of a friend, whom he started hanging out after Yuto was gone. They are a bit distant at first, until last year. Takaki’s parents turned to be his parent’s business associate, and they are to be business partners by the time they both graduate. They plan to expand their business by joining with Takaki Industries.

That is when they started hanging out. From an acquaintance, to close friends. It is by then that he started to realize that he is not straight and that he is attracted to Takaki. He’s witty, talented and kind. Not to mention about looks and wealth. And during a friend’s birthday blast last year, they both got drunk and their parents found them together in a single bed, hugging each other half-naked.

Their parents started assuming that they are in a relationship, and it was kept secret for only both families. They are still establishing Takaki Yuya’s name in business and can’t make any mess to ruin his reputations.

Although nothing happened between them, he felt responsible of his impulsiveness and tried to get himself closer to Takaki. And after his high school graduation, Takaki confessed to him. Along with the apology of leaving him for a while as part of his studies in the foreign country.

Without much assurance of how they will be in the future, he promised to wait for Takaki’s return. If they still haven’t fallen in love with someone else, they will make their relationship official. He did his best to reserve his heart to its rightful owner, and none of his confessors caught his attention.

“And you waited for him?”

He nodded and smiled. “He’s worth waiting for.”

“If you waited for him, then I think that’s a bigger reason that you should be proud of it.”

“I am. But you know me, Yutti. I can’t really express myself. I… I was only able to tell our story because it’s you. You listen, and you keep my secrets. And it’s not hard to show what I feel.”

“You said it was a secret within your families so…”

“I already want to announce it. It’s getting harder. I’m gay. He’s gay. And we’re inlove with each other!”

“If I was your boyfriend, I won’t mind what others think about me. I’ll proudly tell the world that I love you and that I am lucky to have you.”

He was touched from what Yuto said, and to his surprise, Yuto is already staring deeply into his eyes. He can feel his heart beating on his chest as he stared back to Yuto.

“Yutti—“

“But of course, that is, if it was me. And I mean it in general. If I am in a relationship, I’ll shout it out to the world how proud I am and how lovely my partner would be.”

Suddenly, he felt as if a thorn was pulled away from his throat, but something also hit his chest. Yuto chuckled and shuffled his hair.

“I’m sure you’ll find someone who you will be very proud of. I’ll be supporting you!”

“Cheer for yourself… and support your own lovelife. I don’t have plans of being in a relationship yet. I’m enjoying my bachelor life!” Yuto stood up and stretched his arms. “It’s getting late and cold. I’ll drive you home.”

Ryosuke chuckled. “Maybe you don’t feel it today. But someday for sure. It will be okay.”

“Aa, stop bragging about your lovelife to me already, mou! That wouldn’t change my heart. No. To. Relationships. Study first.” Yuto laughed again and lead him to his car.

They had a late night roadtrip talking about random stuff. When he came home, he checked his phone and found his messages empty.

Ryosuke heave a sigh and dialed Takaki’s phone but he didn’t answer. Probably busy with his feasibility studies again and his phone is turned silent. He understands that Takaki is a hard-working student, and a responsible heir of the Takaki Industries. But there are times like this where he wished that Takaki will show him a little more effort, like how Yuto would do to his partner.

He felt something clenched on his chest. And guilt is taking over him. He can’t be selfish. He can’t be demanding. He should widen his understanding more, now that Takaki is a graduating student and most of his times will either be focused on business or studies.

A few more unanswered rings and he was redirected to a voicemail.

“Takaki-kun, how are you doing? Sorry, I just got home. It’s already late and I’m off to bed now. Please don’t overwork yourself. I love you. Oyasuminasai.”

He sighed again after the voicemail. He took a quick shower before going to bed.

_“If I was your boyfriend, I won’t mind what others think about me. I’ll proudly tell the world that I love you and that I am lucky to have you.”_

He buried his face on the pillow as Yuto’s words echoed in his mind. He felt his chest clenching again. He’s so envious of Yuto’s partner, and wished that Takaki will also be like that. Someone who is proud to have him. Yet, they are taking care of Takaki’s reputation.

Ryosuke’s conflicting thoughts went on until he fell asleep from tiredness.

He was awoken by his doorbell. He glanced at the clock and it’s already morning. He fixed his hair as he walked to the door. And his consciousness came rushing in when he saw Takaki.

“Takaki-kun, good morning! Come in.”

  
“Sorry, Yama-chan. I’m in a bit of hurry.”

  
“O-oh. Okay. So…”

“I just drop by to apologize about last night. Sorry if I didn’t answer your call.”

  
“Aa, it’s alright. I assumed you are busy. So don’t worry about it, it’s okay.” He smiled.

“Chi-chan told me that he saw you out late with Yuto-kun. I just want to check if you caught cold before I leave.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come in?” he chuckled. “And as you see, I am perfectly fine. No colds, no headaches. Just eyebags.” They both giggled.

They stared at each other for a moment. He felt his heart already wanting to break out from his chest. He’s longing for moments like this. Moments where he can spend his time with the one he loves.

Takaki cupped his cheek, and he snuggled to the warm palms.

“I’m really sorry. I want to spend more time with you. But I have to go out of the country again.”

His smiled soften, and his chest started feeling heavy.

“Souka… It’s about business, right?” Takaki nodded. “It’s all okay. I understand that this is for your family. And for your future too. I’ll be cheering for you from here.”

“It’ll only be 3 days. I promise I’ll go out with you once I return.”

“Don’t promise me anything, Takaki-kun…” because he doesn’t want to expect too much. “Just come home safely. That’s all I want.”

Takaki nodded and pulled him to a gentle hug. He can feel his boyfriend kissing his head, and he can’t help but smile. He’s happy with even short moments like this granted. Although he wants to stay longer within the embrace, he knows that Takaki needs to leave soon.

“I hate to say this but, isn’t it time for you to go? You might miss your flight.” He whispered.

They pulled away from the hug, just enough space for Takaki to cup both his cheeks and intently stare in each other’s eyes. He closed his eyes as he tiptoed for their lips to meet. It was both sweet and sad. The kiss didn’t last long, as Takaki already bid goodbye.

Somehow, he felt better than last night. Takaki may not have enough time for him, but his boyfriend is really thoughtful and sweet. In the end, he knows how lucky he is to have Takaki.

He went back inside the house and sighed. Just to find out that Yuto has a message to him which he cannot comprehend. He quickly dialed his friend’s number.

“Oi, baka!”

  
  
“R-ryo-c-chan…” he heard the other’s voice shaking.

“H-hey! Are you okay?”

“I-it’s cold…”

“What are you doing!? Where are you?”

  
  
“H-ho—mmme…”

“Fine. I’ll be right there.”

He shook his head and prepared himself to leave. He made sure to bring some medicine from his kit as it sounded like the Yuto caught colds.

It surprised him that Yuto’s door wasn’t locked. How careless, he thought. But the moment he stepped inside the house, it’s as if he entered the freezer. And he saw Yuto wrapped up in covers while tucking himself on the edge of the couch.

“Yutti! What happened? Why is it freezing?”  
  
“AC… broke.” Then the guy trembled.

So that’s why his door was open, to let the cold air escape..

“I see. You’re not as stupid as I thought you are.” He teased. “I’m sorry, I’m gonna make myself home while you are freezing there.”

He grabbed another sheet from Yuto’s room and cover it to his bestfriend.

“T-thank you. Y-you can go home now. T-Takaki-kun might worry. Y-you might… might catch colds… too.”

He chuckled but also felt sorry at how Yuto looks.  
  
“Alright. But only after you take your medicines, okay?” he blew warm breath on his palms, rubbed them together and pressed them on Yuto’s cheeks. He felt how cold Yuto is. He repeated the process before realizing that Yuto was staring at him.

“Hm? Is there something wrong? How are you feeling?”

Yuto shook his head, closed his eyes and snuggled to the warm hands on his cheeks.

“I’m just… happy that you are here. And your hands are warm… Just like Ryo-chan’s smiles. It’s so warm.”

He chuckled faintly and gently caress Yuto’s cheeks using his thumb.

“You always look after me. So it’s my turn to take care of you.”

Before he knew it, Yuto already fell asleep. He found it hard to transfer the guy to his bed because of his height, but he managed to. He also prepared a soup for his friend to take before having the medicine he prepared. He also gave Yuto a towel bath to wipe away his sweats.

He decided to went back to the couch to kill his time on the TV. Then he saw Yuto’s phone there. Maybe he left it there earlier when he called and Yuto’s hands are already freezing to hold it.

The monitor lit up and a notification for a message popped out. It says it’s from Raiya. He hasn’t meet Raiya yet, but he knows it was his brother.

“Father found a university where you can continue studying photography. Looking forward to your company next year!”

Ryosuke froze. The message he read was colder than Yuto’s room.

“Yutti… are you going away again?”


	4. Almost Losing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuto's shoulders and home is always ready and open for Ryosuke. And even if it hurts him, he supports Ryosuke's happiness. But what will he get in return?

Yuto was driving his way home from the other town when someone caught his attention.

He saw Ryosuke few steps away from Takaki and obviously hesitant about taking another step to his boyfriend or step back. He slowed down from driving and eventually parked nearby. He doesn’t know why Ryosuke looks that way, but the worry in his face also worried him. He doesn’t want to meddle with the lovers so he decided to watch from a distance.

And then he saw Ryosuke walked a little away from Takaki, and crouched down infront of the box. He wondered what was in the box that Ryosuke looked sorry about. And then the guy stood up to catch on Takaki.

He waited for the couple to be away before getting down the car and check the box. To his surprise, the box has a white kitten on it. It looks like Ryosuke wants to pick it up from the streets but Yuya is against the idea. He knows Ryosuke loves pets, as well as kids. He mentioned before that he already wants to have his own child or a pet, but he is not allowed to.

“Aaw. Poor kitty.” He crouched down and patted the kitten’s head. “You almost got the sweetest dad in the world. Were you rejected? No worries, I’m here to save you now. So you can meet your papa later.” He chuckled and picked up the box with the kitten.

He isn’t into cats, he’s more of a dog person. And if he were to get a pet, he would prefer having a puppy. But if Ryosuke wants to save this kitten, then he is willing to give it a home.

He gave it a bath and milk upon coming home, as well as a clean box where it can rest. He was busy fixing his new pet and didn’t notice that his phone was ringing.

“Whoa! 4 missed calls?” he quickly dialed Ryosuke’s number to apologize about the unanswered calls.

“Can I come over?” Ryosuke asked, his voice was flat and monotonous. It was new to him.

“Sure. Is there something wrong?”

“Nothing. I… I just want to get away.”

He felt his chest heavy hearing Ryosuke’s voice. Something must’ve happened that made him speak that way.

He kept the kitten to his room while waiting for his friend. Maybe Ryosuke would feel better if he surprised him about it. Not long enough and his doorbell rang with Ryosuke by his door.

He looks blank. The lively and adorable Ryosuke he knew now looks hurt and sad. Yuto quickly pulled his friend inside and lead him to the couch.

“Are you okay? What happened?”  
  
“I don’t want to talk to anyone.”

“Including me?”

Ryosuke gazed at him. “Do you think I’ll be here if it is?”

“Sorry… So… What happened? Oh! Do you want a drink?”

“Do you have beer?”

Now he is certain. Something bad really happened.

He nodded and grabbed some cans on the fridge.

“Thanks. I didn’t know you got them. Your fridge looks like a good boy when I used it before.” They both chuckled faintly.

“About that, thank you for taking care of me. And sorry for being a bother. I just mean to ask you for a medicine, not to nurse me.”

“I don’t mind. At least you feel better later that day, or you would’ve skipped university.”

“So… what happened?”

Ryosuke looked at him, then gulped from the beer can before speaking.

“I understand that he has to go. I know how busy he is. And even if I want to spend more time with him… even if deep inside, I wish he wouldn’t go. I try to understand it and wait for him to return. Now he just got back. I should be happy and we should be spending time together. But what happened? He isn’t here, we aren’t together most of the time. And now that he’s here, we should be catching up on each other. But what is happening? He’s so distant and cold! What did I do? I just told him what I want! I know he may be tired, but is this really the right way to treat your boyfriend after you’ve been gone for a week? For months? Is this what your partner gets after patiently waiting for you?”

Ryosuke’s voice broke, and so as his heart. He listened to Ryosuke’s complains about their relationship, and it hurts him to see his most important person being hurt.

“And now, he’s telling me he has to leave again? Doesn’t he have other plans like fixing things and talking to me before he goes?” he watched Ryosuke gulp the rest of the beer then grabbed another can.

“Wait… Take it slow, Ryo-chan.” He tried to stop Ryosuke from getting another drink but he was forceful. He heaved a deep sigh and just watch Ryosuke drink, while he’s slowly taking sips from his can.

Ryosuke keeps on saying stuff about his relationship with Takaki. He can sense that alcohol is slowly taking over his friend’s system. And he keeps listening, it sounds tough. He knows how hard it is to be away from the one you love, he understands how Ryosuke feels, because that’s how he also felt for the past years. And this year just got worse. He is with Ryosuke, but it feels as if the man he loves is still in a different world.

“Ne, Yutti…” Ryosuke was staring at the empty beer can. “If you have super powers, what would you prefer to have?”

He almost chokes on his beer and chuckled. Ryosuke must be drunk already to be asking of a silly question.

“I wish I have Elsa’s powers. Let it go… let it go! Bisshu!”

“You are this drunk already?” Yuto laughed at how childish Ryosuke has become. “Who would you freeze?” he watched his bestfriend continue with his either childish or drunk act as he reached for another can.

“No! Not yet!” Ryosuke took another sip. “I wonder how it feels to have powers like her. Then I would freeze my heart.”

“If you did that, you’ll die. Baka.”

“I want to freeze my heart. So I won’t be hurt. That way, I can have my heart reserved for Takaki-kun, and wait until he returns to melt it.” He giggled.

He thought Ryosuke was already drunk. It turns out that he’s still hurting. And then he started sobbing. Those are the tears he’s been holding back all this time.

Yuto didn’t know what to say. He just sat silently beside Ryosuke while the latter cries his heart out. All he could further offer is a gentle pat the latter’s shoulder and back.

“It’ll be okay, Ryo-chan. Didn’t you always say that?”

“Ne, Yutti…” Ryosuke pulled away from him. His fingers are pressed against his nostrils. “Do you have tissue?”

He stared at Ryosuke. Eyes are already red and drowsy from crying and drinking, face messed with tears and those fingers are probably stopping the snots from falling. Yet he still looks so beautiful. Maybe he’s a little tipsy, but a drunk Ryosuke is definitely another adorable side of his Ryosuke.

He took a pack of strawberry-scented pull outs and offered it to Ryosuke. He knows how much his bestfriend loves strawberries.

“How am I supposed to use this!?” Ryosuke whined.

“Oh! I’m sorry! Here…” he offered a lemon-scented one and that is what Ryosuke used to blow his nose.

“Sorry for being demanding. Can I keep the strawberry one?”

He nodded happily and Ryosuke giggled.

“I’m so happy!”

For the first time in the day, he smiled genuinely. Finally hearing Ryosuke’s giggles and saying that he’s happy made Yuto feel better.

“Aa, by the way. I have something to show you.” He rushed to his room to get the kitten and showed it to Ryosuke. “I have a new pet!”

“Waaay!” Ryosuke bounced like a kid, extending his arms to reach for the cat. “You know, Takaki-kun doesn’t want me to pick up the cat we saw from the street! Then we started fighting because we have a lot of difference.”

Takaki again.

“I just want to get to know him better, and I want him to know more about me too. Is it that hard to be in a relationship with me?” Ryosuke pouted as he made the kitten sit and sleep on his lap.

“No. I don’t think you are like that, Ryo-chan. You are lovely, just the way you are. And it’s never wrong to want to know more about each other with your lover.”

He stared intently at Ryosuke, wishing to say the words he wanted to say. But he doesn’t have the courage to. Not even with the drunk Ryosuke infront of him.

“You know… this kitty looks like that kitty. What’s it’s name?”  
  
“I… haven’t thought about it yet. What do you suggest?”

“Kitty.”

“Ryo-chan…”

“No, this kitty is Kitty, not Ryo-chan. I am Ryo-chan.”

“Mou! You are drunk already! Come on, I’ll send you home.”  
  
“Yada!” Ryosuke flinched and tuck himself on the couch, holding the kitten closer. “I don’t want to go home. Home doesn’t have this kitty. Home doesn’t have Yutti.”

He sighed and gave up to just watch Ryosuke petting the cat.

“I wish I am this lucky kitten. So I can also be with Yutti.”  
  
“Why would you want to be with me? You have Takaki-kun. You also have Chinen that you are always with.

“But they don’t understand me as much as Yutti does.” Then he felt Ryosuke leaning his head on his shoulder. “Arigatou…”

He didn’t move from his place, until he heard Ryosuke softly snoring. It must be a tiring day for him. He knows he’s already late, and it may be a bad idea to ask someone to pick up Ryosuke, so he decided to carry his bestfriend to his bed and contacted Chinen, so Chinen can inform Ryosuke’s parents or Takaki.

\- - - - -

A week passed since Ryosuke slept over at Yuto’s place and he haven’t heard from Ryosuke from that day. He hopes that the other is doing fine, and that he didn’t get scolded from getting drunk and unable to go home.

He was about to get to his car when he saw Takaki walking on the hallways along with Daiki. He thought of checking Ryosuke through him so he waved to the guy, which successfully caught the other’s attention.

“Hi! How are you doing?”  
  
“Doing great! Thanks for asking. How about Yuto-kun?”

“Doing fine as well! Uhm… well, you see… I just want to ask if you are okay now.”

“We haven’t talked yet. But I’m planning to visit after class… Oh, don’t worry. You can drop names. Dai-chan knows.”

“I see… I’m just worried. He loves you so much so please bear with him.” He bowed.

“I know that. I was just tired that day. I know I should’ve considered his feelings. I too, wants to know him better.”

“I’m glad that you feel the same.”  
  
“Did he tell you something else?”

“He talks a lot when he’s drunk. So I am not sure if which of those would matter.” He chuckled.

“Yeah. I heard he got drunk. I’m sorry for the bother.”

“No, no. It’s okay. Ryo-chan is never a bother to me… Just… he really liked that cat.”

“Cat? Which cat?”

“The one from the street? I have it in my place. I hope it’s okay this way, since you can’t take care of something that Ryo-chan likes.”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, I picked up the kitten. At least Ryo-chan can still play with it without bothering you. And please don’t get bothered if he likes the things that you don’t or minding your differences.”  
  
“I’m sorry, I may not be getting your point, Yuto-kun.”

“Oh! It’s okay. I just really hope that you and Ryo-chan will be okay soon. Jyaa ne!”

He waved goodbye to Takaki and his friend. He can’t wait to hear Ryo-chan’s lively voice, saying that he and Takaki are okay again.

He wants to help them fix things up. And he also wants to provide what Ryosuke wants. Even if it’s hurting him seeing Ryosuke happily inlove with someone else, he wants to support his beloved’s happiness.

\- - - - -

The dark room’s door slammed open and it startled Yuto. He saw Ryosuke coming in but he’s curious why the other looks furious. Luckily, he’s the only person in the room or his friend will be kicked out from barging in suddenly.

“Ryo-chan, what are you do—“

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY TO TAKAKI-KUN!?” Ryosuke pushed him by the chest and his back hit the wall.  
  
“I-I don’t get you. What?” he doesn’t understand why Ryosuke looks so mad.

“I hate you, Nakajima Yuto!”


	5. Almost Had Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After having a fight and making up with Takaki, he confronted Yuto. But instead of getting mad, he just found himself hurting for what he told his bestfriend.

Ryosuke excitedly pressed the doorbell on Takaki’s unit. He wants to welcome the next day with his boyfriend, it’s really special for him as it will be their first monthsary that Takaki is not away.

“Konbanwa!” he greeted happily when the door opened by Takaki.

“Go home.” He received a short and cold reply. If he wasn’t quick enough, Takaki could’ve shut the door right on his face.

“Wait! Why? Are you okay?” he forced his way in.

“Just go home, okay? Leave me alone.”

“No! I won’t go home until I know what’s bothering you. Please tell me.” He tried to hold his boyfriend’s hand but the guy flinched away.

“I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!”

He gasped in surprise by Takaki’s yell.

“Takaki-kun…”

The guy groaned in frustration and turned his back on him and walked to the couch.

“I don’t want to see you.”

He felt his heart shatter. Ryosuke clenched on his chest as he finds breathing a hard thing to do. “B-but… why? What did I do to you? Please tell me why, Takaki-kun. I’m sorry. I promise, I’ll make it up to you.” He followed his lover and sat beside him.

“Why don’t you just go to your bestfriend’s side? I don’t want to be a bother.”

“What? You are never a bother to me. And it’s you whom I want to be with. That’s the reason why I am here. I want to be with you, Takaki-kun.”

Takaki faced him. His face still looks pissed but it’s a little calmer now.

“Yama-chan, am I a bother to you?”  
  
“I told you, you aren’t. I love you and every moment I have with you is a bliss. Never have I considered you as bothersome.” He cupped Takaki’s face to make the guy look at him as he stared intently to his lover’s eyes.

“But Yuto-kun said different. He said that you told him I am a bother. When you were drunk. And I know words of a drunk person are always about his true feelings.”

“That’s not true! I may be drunk, but I never said that you are bothersome. There must be a misunderstanding here.”

Takaki sighed. “Just go home, Yama-chan. It’s already late.”

“I don’t want to!” he tightly hugged Takaki by the waist.

“Let me go!” he can feel his boyfriend struggle away from his hug.

“I said I don’t want to! I don’t want to! I want to be with you, Takaki-kun.” He buried his face on Takaki’s back. “If I ever made you feel that you are a bother, I am sorry. I always want to be with you, but you’re always busy and away. That’s something that bothers me, our distance. Not you. So please… please, just for today. Let me be close to you.”

His tears started breaking away and he can also feel Takaki’s irregular breathing.

“Yama-chan… it’s okay. It’s okay.”

He felt Takaki patting his arms and that is when he loosen his grip. They faced each other and he can see tears on Takaki’s cheeks. He cupped them again and thumbed away his tears.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Takaki-kun. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I’m sorry too, Yama-chan. I… I just felt bad knowing that you are thinking of me that way. And I’m sorry for always being away from you.”

“You don’t need to apologize. It’s all my fault. And I understand that you need to be away. I won’t ask for more. But please. Please don’t think of yourself as a bother. Okay? You are important to me, I don’t want us to fight. We rarely get the chance to be together, I don’t want to waste our time in an argument.”

“I’m sorry.”

He pulled Takaki into his embrace again, a warm one than the one they had earlier.

“It’s okay. I love you.”

Ryosuke felt Takaki hugging him back, and they spent the night together, having fun while getting to know each other more, and finally welcoming the day of their monthly anniversary together.

He’s happy that they are able to fix the problem. But he knows he has something to take care of later.

\- - - - -

“Have you seen Yutti?”

“Oh! Yama-chan! He said he’s busy with something. On the dark room, I guess?” the guy whom he used to see with Yuto pointed him to the dark room of the Photography department.

“Keito, right? Thanks!”

He quickly passed by him and held himself back as his anger starts to burn inside him again. He’s still mad at Yuto, learning that it was his bestfriend who told his lover about being a bother.

“Of all people, I never thought Yutti can do that to us.”

He barged in the dark room and saw Yuto writing something on the photos.

“Ryo-chan, what are you do—“

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY TO TAKAKI-KUN!?” he couldn’t hold himself anymore and pushed Yuto against the wall.

His mind is being clouded, he doesn’t know what to actually say to Yuto. He wanted to punch his bestfriend but he is still sane enough not to act violently inside the school premises.

  
“I-I don’t get you. What?”

“I hate you, Nakajima Yuto!”

He turned his back and walked out. He couldn’t help his tears. He’s bad at getting angry, he only ends up crying. Moreover, it was Yuto whom he’s mad at. He lowered his head and tried to wipe away his tears as he went to the rooftop where he sat on the floor and cried.

“Ryo-chan..?”

He took a deep breath and roughly wiped his tears. “What do you want?”

“I’m… I’m sorry…”

“Sorry?” he stood up and faced Yuto. “Yuya and I almost broke up last night, because of you! You stupid jerk! Who the hell are you to tell him that he’s a bother to me!?”

“I… I didn’t! I didn’t mean it that way! I just want to tell him how much you love him. And that I hope he won’t be bothered by your different preferences. That’s it! I am really sorry, Ryo-chan!”

“That’s not how I heard it.”  
  
“You can ask Dai-chan. He was with Takaki-kun when I say that. Even Keito overheard it. I swear, I never want to make him think that way! A-and… and I don’t want you to break up…”

“You shouldn’t have meddled with us, Yutti.”

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Ryo-chan. And I’m sorry, for Takaki-kun too. I hurt you both.”

“Just… just don’t do it again.”

“U-unn.” Yuto was already lowering his head while nodding. “Ano…” the guy offered him a small envelope. “Please accept this. My gift, for you two. H-happy monthsary. I… I hope you get to celebrate more monthsaries together.” Yuto bowed. “Shitsureishimasu.”

He accepted the envelope and suddenly felt heavy.

“Y-Yutti..?”

His friend turned to face him without saying a word.

“I… I’m sorry. And thank you, for this.” He smiled shyly.

Yuto smiled back. “I wish you happiness.”

His friend walked away. He sniffed and cleaned his face, then checked what’s inside the envelope. He was surprised that it was full of his pictures with Takaki. He felt another strike of guilt. There must be misunderstanding between Yuto and his boyfriend. Yuto can’t speak of him behind his back, and he supports them a lot. He felt bad for judging his bestfriend of wanting to ruin his happiness, and shed another tear for that guilt.

He quickly went home after his classes and prepared to put the photos in an album, but he noticed there are numbers on it. He laid the photos on his bed, following the orders of their number. He was surprised that it was a photo mosaic of his photo with Takaki, forming a big heart. And his heart just gotten heavier. Yuto’s effort to support them is too much for him to handle. He needs to thank his bestfriend and apologize sincerely for the words he said.

He grabbed his phone but before he can even dial Yuto’s number, Takaki’s already registered on the screen.

  
“Yama-chan, can I come over your place? I have something for you!”

“Really!? Sure! You are always welcome here! I also have something for you.” He chuckled and glanced at the photo mosaic.

When the call ended, he immediately and quickly posted the photos on his wall, to show to his lover once he comes in.

Takaki came with a box and bouquet of roses.

“Happy monthsary, Yama-chan! For you.”

“Takaki-kun! Nani kore?” he chuckled as he shyly accepted the presents from his lover. “Why do you have to spend on these?”

“I want to. I want to make it up for you. For the previous monthsaries where I can’t even give a call to greet you.”

“You’re so sweet, you know?” he pinched Takaki’s nose and let him in.

Just like the other night, they had fun talking and laughing with each other. They also messed the cake a little. Ryosuke was really happy that he gets to celebrate the day with his beloved, unlike the previous months where they are always apart.

“I’m really happy that you are here, and that we are okay now. Thank you so much, Takaki-kun!” he hugged his lover.

“Me too. I’m sorry for being stupid last night and arguing with you when we should’ve been having fun. Like this.”

“It’s all okay. Please forget about it. What’s important is we are okay now, and we got to know each other better. I love you so much!”

“I love you too, Yama-chan.”

They shared a sweet kiss, and Ryosuke is the one to break it, remembering the present he got from Yuto.

“By the way! I want to show you my room!”

He stood up excitedly and pulled Takaki’s hands to show him the mosaic on his room. He can see how his boyfriend looks so amused about the photos.

“Yama-chan—“

“Ryosuke.” He blushed. “From now on, y-you can call me Ryosuke.”

“R-Ryosuke…” he giggled hearing Takaki stutter from saying his first name.

“U-unn! Yu—Yuya-kun.” He giggled again and covered his face using his hands to hide his blush. His heart feels giddy, and he also feel that it was the time for them to stop being too formal to each other.

“Ryosuke…”

“H-hai?” he nervously stood straight and looked at his lover.

“That’s a little hard to pronounce than _Yama-chan_.”

They both laughed until Takaki suddenly kabedoned him.

“Ryosuke…”

“Y-yu… Yuya-kun..?”

They stared at each other’s eyes before Takaki leaned closer to own his lips. It was gentle at first. Then Takaki tilted his head, taking the kiss deeper. Ryosuke’s arms automatically flew around the other’s shoulders, pulling him closer.

His lover’s hands found its way to Ryosuke’s waist, and started caressing them, messily lifting up his shirt as Takaki softly nibbled on his lower lip. A moan escaped from his mouth and broke the kiss, gasping for air. But his lover is quick enough to steal his breath again by trailing soft kisses on his neck.

“Ta—Takaki-kun…” he can feel his heart pounding on his chest. He held on Takaki’s arms, slightly pushing him away, a bit uneasy of the feeling he feels inside.

“Ryosuke…” his lover whispered, catching his lips again.

“Mm… W-wait…” finally, Takaki broke the kiss. Both of them catching their breaths. He turned his head to the side, avoiding the other’s gaze.

“I… I have exams tomorrow morning. I-I haven’t reviewed yet.”

He noticed his partner’s silence for a moment.

“Sou ka. I… think I should get going then, so you can review. Don’t stay up too late, okay? Good luck on your exams.”

He nodded and Takaki kissed his cheek, before stepping away from him.

He was holding his breath until he heard his door clicked, a sign that the other person is already outside.

He heaved a sigh of relief and slumped on the floor, feeling his knees getting weak from almost making out with his boyfriend. He felt really nervous and stupid at the same time.

“Why did you even say that? Why did you stop him? Baka baka baka baka!” he scolded himself and knocked his head. He stopped when he heard a notification from his phone. It was a message from Takaki.

_“I forgot to say._

_I don’t want you hanging around with Yuto-kun again._

_Goodnight, Yama-chan.”_


	6. Almost Confusing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuto knows he needs to pull himself away from Ryosuke but he finds it hard to do. On the day that he decided to step away, he said something he longed to say but shouldn't have said.

Yuto squinted his eyes open when his phone rang. He saw Raiya’s name registered on the screen. Although still sleepy, he lazily answered his younger brother’s call.

It was just a short call, but long enough to give him back his consciousness. Raiya was checking on him, and sounded so excited about him going abroad with his brother and step-father. And that would be for good.

He decided it months ago. And the reason is simple.

He went back for Ryosuke. Only to find out that the Ryosuke already has someone else. If he can’t have Ryosuke, then there’s no reason for him to be there. He needs to move forward and carry on with his life, away from the only person he ever loved.

“Ryo-chan…” he checked their last exchange of messages. It was already few days ago. Since their monthsary, Ryosuke stopped contacting him. He knows that the guy is still mad at him for what he did. But he hoped that the problem between the lovers are already solved, since he saw the couple already being sweet infront of the public. Ryosuke must be contented now that he can freely go out with Takaki.

“But you are happy now…” he sighed and threw himself back to bed. “I can’t take that smile away.”

He’s confused of what to do. He hasn’t told Ryosuke that by the end of the term, he will be migrating and will finish his studies on the next country. More than that, he hasn’t told Ryosuke about what he truly feels. If he tells any of these to his friend, he’s afraid that Ryosuke might feel sad.

He sighed again and stood up. “I should at least apologize.”

He took a shower, hoping to wash away his thoughts. But his mind just won’t stop thinking about the issues he is facing. He’s not even sure if Ryosuke would like to see him, or if his apologies will be accepted. But he decided to give it a try.

Yuto found Ryosuke having lunch with Chinen. He’s not sure whether to approach him or not, but it can also be a good chance for him to let Ryosuke know about his sincere intentions.

“Hi!” he sat beside Chinen, who is sitting across Ryosuke. He noticed that the two exchanged meaningful glances, and he knows that it’s a silent communication of having an uninvited guest.

“I… I just want to say sorry about what hap—“

He couldn’t finish his words when Ryosuke stood up and dragged him behind the building.

“Whoa! What’s the rush? Do you hate me that much now?”

“Yutti… Yutti, can we talk?” he saw hesitation on his friend.

“That’s seriously the reason why I am reaching out. I know you are still mad at me about what happened. And I am really sorry, Ryo-chan.”

“I am sorry too, Yutti. I said hurtful things to you. I judged you easily. I was so mad, I didn’t mean them, really. I was also surprised hearing myself yell those words at you. I’m so sorry.”  
  
“Look. You don’t need to apologize to me, okay?” he held both Ryosuke’s shoulders and smiled, acting as if he’s completely okay. “If you’re still mad at me, I’ll totally understand that. But please, believe me that I only want you to be happy. If my silence will keep you smiling with Takaki-kun, then I can handle it.”

“That’s… That’s what I want to talk about with you.”

“O-oh? You mean me, meddling with your relationship? I promise, I’ll shut up.”

“Chigau… It’s not about you meddling with us.”

“Then what is?”

Ryosuke took a deep breath and gave him an apologetic look.

“Y-yuya-kun doesn’t want me hanging out with you.”

“Ee? Why? Is he still mad at me? I can go ahead and apologize to him too. You know I really don’t mean any of—“

“CHIGAU!”

Yuto froze.

“He said he can’t trust you. And he’s thinking that we are dating. Which I told him of course, we are not. You are my bestfriend, Yutti. Eversince we were young, you are the only one who understands me the most. I told Takaki-kun than you’re just a friend to me. But he insists that I should stay away from you. S-so… so I…”

He forgot about that. Maybe Ryosuke is too naïve to realize what he feels, but surely, Takaki can see the way he looks at his lover. And as if something heavy hit his chest. He didn’t confess his feelings to Ryosuke, thinking that it can be the reason for them to be apart again. But it looks like even if he didn’t confess, he was meant to be away from his beloved.

“I-it’s okay.” He forced a smile. “I don’t want to cause any insecurity for you guys. So if you, staying away from me, will make Takaki-kun feel better about you, then I won’t be a bother.”  
  
“Demo, Yutti…”

“You already started it, right? It’s been… 4 or 5 days since we last talked? And you look like you’re okay with it. Just keep it up, Ryo-chan.”

“But… but that’s not how I want it to be!”

“That’s how your lover wants it.”

“It’s my life! I get to decide who will be and won’t be a part of it. And you, Yutti. You’ve always been a part of it. You’ve been away from me for too long. And now that you’re back, I don’t want to lose you again.”

He can feel his tears forming on his eyes but he needs to keep his cool. He doesn’t want to cause any more trouble to Ryosuke and his lover. He wants Ryosuke, but the latter’s happiness is his priority.

“I… I don’t know what to say.” He chuckled. “I’m glad to hear it all from you, Ryo-chan. But you know, one day, we’ll have to part… Actually, I… I’m moving out of the country by the end of this term. Doesn’t that sound convenient?”

He was surprised when Ryosuke attacked him with a tight hug by the waist, like a kid adorably hugging his teddy bear.

“I knew it! You’re going to leave again! Why do you always leave me alone? And no! That’s not convenient!”

“But Ryo-chan…” he took a deep breath to hold back his tears. “I have to. You’re not going to be alone. You have Takaki-kun. And Chi-chan. You also have a lot of friends.”

“But they don’t get me as much as you do!”

His smile softens and hesitantly hugged the shorter back, gently stroking his hair. How he wishes to always hold Ryosuke close just like that. But he knows his limits. He has no right but to give him a comforting hug of a friend.

Only as a friend.

Before he lost his control and ends up hugging Ryosuke tighter, he pulled away from the hug.

“Look. I want you to be happy. You are happy with Takaki-kun, right? So I want you to take care of that happiness. If it requires you to keep your distance from me, don’t hesitate to. Besides, I also have to leave. So the next few weeks will be your adjustment period.”

“Yutti…” Ryosuke frowned and tears started to run down from his cheeks.

“Gomen ne?” he smiled and shuffled Ryosuke’s hair. “But… but if it’s okay with you and Takaki-kun, can we have our one last bond?”

“I’ll… ask Yuya-kun about it.”

“It’s okay if he didn’t let you. Just promise me that you’ll be happy with him, okay?”

Ryosuke stared at him, and slowly nodded.

Those eyes. That sad smile. He doesn’t want Ryosuke to be feeling that way. To be sad because of him. And still, he has to stop himself from locking the shorter in his arms.

“Okay. Let me know if Takaki-kun agrees, that would be this Friday, okay? I… I gotta go now and catch on my subject. You should go back with Chi-chan too. Mata ne, Ryo-chan!” then he skipped steps away from his friend.

He never thought he had to break the news that way. And never thought of asking Ryosuke out in a way that it will be their last bonding. But he hopes that everything will be okay.

\- - - - -

Friday came and Yuto excitedly prepared himself, making sure that he can move comfortably while still looking at his best.

It was his scheduled date with Ryosuke.

He knows that it shouldn’t be taken that way. He is fully aware that this hang out is just a friendly date before Ryosuke starts putting distance between them as well as for him to help himself move on. Luckily, Ryosuke’s boyfriend allowed them to hang out for the last time.

And Yuto chose to visit a kindergarten.

It may be awkward and unusual but there’s nothing else in his mind but to see Ryosuke living his dream, for the last time. He knows how much Ryosuke loves kids and how he wants to be a kindergarten teacher when they are younger. By the last time they talked about kids, his friend confessed of wanting to have his own, but they are still too young and studying to be thinking of those things.

He went to Ryosuke’s unit and pick him up with his car. He decided to drive than to take a ride so they can go home anytime they want. He’s expecting that Ryosuke would ask to stay longer in the kindergarten.

And he was right.

He saw how much Ryosuke had fun with the kids. They played together and they taught the kids a song and dance number that they performed together when they are young. The kids also look like they are having great time with their onii-chan. And good for him that he knows the owner of the kindergarten, letting him have this kind of special access with the kids.

There was nothing more beautiful in his eyes but seeing Ryosuke finally being what he wants to be, smiling widely, genuinely. He can’t help but wish to always see that smile, to always make Ryosuke be happy as he is on this day.

But everything has an end. After a few hours of having fun, the teacher handed Ryosuke a story book. It was the time for the kids to get ready about going to bed.

He saw a sad smile on Ryosuke’s face. He wants to extend the hours to spend on the kindergarten but kids get tired too.

After finishing the story, some kids are already sound asleep in their futon. They both chuckled being surrounded by adorable angels.

Yuto may be silly, but he can’t help imagining the place as their own home. Ryosuke as his beautiful better half, and the kids are their own. And he can’t see someone else being his husband, or wife, or whatever you call it. Only Yamada Ryosuke.

Not long enough and they already bid their goodbyes to the teacher and the owner of the place. He’s excited to hear how Ryosuke feels, although words are no longer needed as it is already clearly painted on his face.

“It felt like I was sent to heaven.” Ryosuke chuckled.

Yuto brought him to their next destination: the playground. They are sitting on the single swing, side by side, swaying it a little. He also bought themselves a cup of ice cream. He also knows how much of a sweet tooth Ryosuke has. Two scoops of vanilla ice cream, topped with marshmallows and chocolate syrup, while he only went for mango flavor and wafer sticks.

“How come did you know this? Thank you!” his offer was gladly accepted.

“Of course, I know you! You won’t stop eating these even if your teeth hurt or you get brain freeze.” They both laughed.

“I’m so glad that Yuya-kun let me spend the day with you. I’ve never been this happy, Yutti! Thank you so much!”

“And you are most welcomed! I’m glad that you feel that way. I am also relieved… I finally saw you smile that smile, after quite some time.”

There was a moment of silence, before Ryosuke nodded.

“Unn. You’re right.” His friend sighed. “It feels like I’ve been forcing myself these days. Only today that it just came naturally, and I didn’t have to fake myself.”

“Why do you even have to fake yourself? You look best when you are like this. Simple, childish, crazy.” He chuckled. “I like this Ryo-chan more than what you show to others.”

“Ano ne… I don’t know when it started but… I suddenly feel that I carry a lot of responsibilities with me, and that I should meet everybody’s expectation. I should do this, I should avoid that. You know, these kind of stuffs. Until slowly, I’m getting suffocated by it. I don’t know myself anymore… And then you came back.” Ryosuke looked at him and smiled softly. “I can laugh out loud, I can eat and walk without minding etiquette. I can be unproductive and trash around. I can cry, I can speak my mind, shout out my frustrations… I can breathe. You make me feel home. That no matter what I become, or who I am, I am still accepted. No norms, no rules. Just being me. And I can’t thank you enough, Yutti.”

He felt his heart squeezing on his chest. Ryosuke’s smile, and the look in his eyes, along with those words. He just wants to hug him really tight and tell him how much he loves his childhood bestfriend.

“Anything for you, Ryo-chan. I’m glad that I can make you feel that way. You saved me when we were young, you cared so much for me. So I want to return the favor to you. And your happiness is my priority.”

“You know?” Ryosuke chuckled. “I really can’t help thinking sometimes that your future lover will be really lucky to have you. Don’t you have any plans of falling in love?”

“I'm afraid to think of the idea of falling for you.”

Another moment of silence. The soft clanking of the swings stopped as Yuto stared deeply into Ryosuke’s eyes, realizing that it’s already too late to stop his tongue from speaking for his heart.

“Ahm… i-it’s nothing.” He chuckled nervously, taking a deep breath while looking away.

“U-unn… Of course.” Ryosuke nodded and chuckled faintly. “I-it’s not like… you’re falling for me, deshou? You just mean… it’s scary to fall for me.” He laughed. “Of course, who wouldn’t be scared to love me? I’m troublesome!”

“It’s not like that as well… You are troublesome. Adorable. I’m really afraid to fall. And it will be really silly if I fall, right?” he chuckled. “You have my full respect and admiration.”

“I… Yutti… I don’t know what to say.”

He stood up and smiled, forcing his shaking knees from falling, trying to hold back his tears and his arms from holding Ryosuke.

“I don’t ask for an answer.” He chuckled and rubbed his nape, trying to calm himself from the nervousness of his unexpected confession. “I swear, if I haven’t thought that thing out loud, you would never hear that from me. I just said what I actually feel so… Aa, it’s getting late. Come on. Let me send you home.”

He looked at Ryosuke, who was lowering his head and holding on his chest.

“Arigatou… Gomen ne, Yutti.”

“Why are you apologizing though? Seriously?” he pouted and patted Ryosuke’s shoulder. “Let’s go?”

He received a nod from Ryosuke and they both walked to his car to send his friend home.

They were both silent as he drove. While they are physically silent, thoughts are storming in his head, his heart is also in a mess and he just want to whack himself and wake up from this nightmare. His nightmare of getting this kind of reaction from Ryosuke upon his confession.

“Thanks for today, Yutti. And for everything.” Ryosuke got out of his car and bowed at him. “Just… if the idea scares you, please don’t think about it.”

He forced a faint chuckle.

“It’s all okay, Ryo-chan. You don’t need to worry about it. I didn’t fall too deep.”

And that was the biggest lie he ever had in his entire life.

“Souka. Yokatta…” Ryosuke bowed again.

“Bye bye, Ryo-chan.”

He drove the car towards his own place, but he knows that he’s stuck and not even sure if he can even move from where his heart is.


	7. Almost a Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuto's confession got Ryosuke restless and everytime he closes his eyes, all he sees is Yuto.

It's almost 4 in the morning.

Ryosuke flipped to his other side on the bed. He's been restless in the past few days and it's not doing him any good. He needs to sleep since his classes await just few hours to go.

He hugged his pillow and closed his eyes, trying to find sleep.

_"You got my full respect and admiration, Ryosuke."_

Yuto's voice echoed in his head again. He tried to shut his eyes tighter, as well as his grips on the pillow but it's not helping him.

_"It's alright. I didn't fall that deep."_

He repeatedly hit his head using the pillow then buried his face on it.

He can't understand why he feel so flustered hearing Yuto call his name that way. And his sudden confession. It's all been messing up his mind in the past days.

And to make it even worse, Takaki has not been talking to him since their "date". He knows that his boyfriend is trying to catch up with his friends, but he felt like Takaki means to do it. They use to exchange messages before and after starting the day, but recently, he only got one message for the entire day, and he felt that he's being ignored by his boyfriend.

"Am I being demanding? Am I being too much?"

_"Ryosuke..."_

He heard Yuto's voice in his head again and that tightening in his chest that's also been bothering him. He grunted on the pillow.

"Mou! Yutti..."

\- - - - -

"Ohayou, Ryosuke!" Chinen greeted him.

He forced himself to smile and muttered a low "ohayou" back to his friend.

"What's wrong? Did you have any sleep?"

He lazily threw a glance on Chinen and shook his head, before resting his head on his arms over his table.

"It's so hard to sleep these days..." He sighed.

"Why? Are you having insomnia?" He shook his head "Then why?"

He sighed again.

"I... I don't know. Would you believe me if I tell you something that's bothering me, and the reason why I can't sleep these days?"

"It actually depends on how much you're going to tell me."

He looked at Chinen, then took a deep breath.

"You see... There's this guy, who is so inlove with his boyfriend. But the guy and his boyfriend often fight because of the guy's bestfriend. Because the guy likes hanging out with his bestfriend when his boyfriend can't be there. And then recently, the guy found out that his bestfriend is moving away. He can't help but feel sad because... Because who doesn't get sad when our bestfriend leaves, right? And then... And then, the boyfriend started ignoring the guy when he went out with his bestfriend for the last time... This guy is just getting more hurt, being torn on which way he would go first."

"Ryosuke... Could it be that you're inlove with Yuto-kun?"

His eyes widen and looked at Chinen.

"T-that can't be! Yutti is just my bestfriend. And Yuya is my boyfriend. Yuya is the one I love!"

"Why are you being defensive now?"

"I'm just telling you the truth."

"And I'm just telling you a possibility, Ryosuke."

"Look. You know about it, right? Yuya-kun and I sometimes fight because of Yutti. No matter how much I tell him that Yutti is just my bestfriend, he still thinks that were more than just that. And it's irritating how his friends are feeding him so much information that would add to his doubts. And this includes you, Chinen." He frankly said.

Chinen was taken aback, and he knew it. Whenever he and Takaki starts fighting, the latter usually mentions that he got the details from Chinen and some other friends.

"I feel like... Like you guys are teaming up and talking on my back, to ruin our relationship."

"I'm just concerned about you, Ryosuke. You and Yuya. I support you guys so I think he has the right to know about you going out with Yuto-kun."

"But you guys are giving a different meaning on it!"

"Because it's so obvious that Yuto-kun is inlove with you!"

He stopped for a moment. Thoughts of Yuto's confession starts attacking him again.

"I... I told you, I don't see Yutti as someone like that. He's just a friend to me. It's Yuya that I love!"

"What if..." he looked at the guy who just entered their room and approached them. "What if it's just in your mind?"

"Inoo-chan!" Chinen greeted the guy.

"What do you mean, senpai?" His brows furrowed.

"You know, when a person is in a relationship, he locks himself with the thought that he's inlove with his partner."

"Isn't it supposed to be that way?"

"That's actually wrong. If you are really committed, you don't need to force yourself with the thought that you are inlove with this person. It just comes to you naturally. You offer yourself. You give yourself wholeheartedly. No second thoughts. No holding back. Just letting your feelings overflow. You fall in love with a person, not with the thought of being in love."

"Am I still not enough? Are my efforts not enough?"

"The question is, do you really love him, Yama-chan?" his senior asked him back.

"I do! I love him so much! I can't take it when we fight. When he's with me, I just want the time to stop so I can lock myself in his arms forever. I love Yuya so much! So much that I wish he doesn't have to go elsewhere and just be with me. And it hurts, being like this with him these days. When he's giving so much time to his friends." He clenched on his chest as he can feel his heart throbbing painfully. He miss Takaki a lot. And he knows he's been stupid these days to be thinking of Yuto's confession when he already has a boyfriend.

He turned down a lot of admirers already, felt guilty about it but the next day comes as if nothing happened. But why can't he do the same to Yuto?

"Then how about that Nakajima? What do you feel about him?"

"For how many times have I told you guys, Yutti is just a friend! Is it that hard to understand?"

The two just nodded. Rather than being relieved, he felt rather frustrated from their reactions, as if they are only forced to believe.

"Come on, guys. I know myself. I love Takaki. If I don't, I could've broken up with him already. But no. I keep waiting for him, even if it's hard."

"Ryosuke, okay. I get it. I believe you. It's just that, really, you're too naive not to notice Takaki's jealousy because Yuto-kun is being a lot more expressive these days. At least open your eyes."

"I..." He heaved a deep sigh. "I'm sorry."

"But hey!" Inoo spoke again. "I heard you haven't done it yet."

"Done what?"

Inoo grinned teasingly while Chinen laughed meaningfully.

"He said he pushed Yuya away. How stupid."

"Oh! That could be the reason why you two are always fighting."

"Seriously, guys. What are you talking about?"

"You know, Yama-chan..." Inoo started massaging his shoulders which he found creepy. He flinched his shoulders and Inoo laughed at him. "Still a virgin, aren't you?"

His eyes widen and he can feel his face turning red.

"W-what-- of course, not! I'm... I'm not--"

"Then spice up your relationship with Takaki. You know..." Inoo leaned down and whispered in his ear. "One key for a strong relationship is romance. In bed. The two of you--"

"What the heck, senpai!" He stood up and yelled to Inoo. "Yuya and I are already strong even without that!"

"Really?" Inoo crossed his arms. "Because Takaki seem frustrated. We talk about pervy stuffs and he mentioned he can't talk about it with you. Your relationship lacks some maturity."

"Maturity? Just because we haven't had sex? Isn't it mature enough to understand him and his priorities? To put his responsibilities first before our relationship? Because I thought it would work like that."

"Remember. Takaki is still a man."

"I don't know how far this conversation can go, senpai. Excuse me." He took his bag and was about to go out when Inoo spoke again.

"Which reminds me of my purpose here." Inoo sat on his seat. "I want to invite you two on my wedding."

Chinen gasped. "Omedetou, senpai!"

"Wait. Wedding? You're getting married already?"

Inoo nodded happily and raised his hand, showing a ring Ryosuke assumed that is for their engagement.

"Kou-chan proposed to me last night!" Inoo almost squealed.

"I'm so happy for you, senpai!"

"And it will be a double wedding! He said that his bestfriend Hikaru also proposed to Keito. Now, the four of us are getting married after graduating!"

"Keito? From literature department? That's great news!"

Ryosuke stopped for a moment. Keito? Yuto's friend.

Yuto.

His mind started wandering back to the moment in the playground.

"Yama-chan?" Inoo snapped a finger infront of his face.

"H-hai?"

"I'm asking. How do you imagine your wedding day?"

"I... Haven't really thought about it." He chuckled faintly.

"Why not? Haven't you imagined how your future will be? With the person you love the most?" Inoo closed his eyes as he started day dreaming. "It's so beautiful..."

"Inoo-chan is really inlove with Kota. Even if he's really silly, his aura changes when we talk about that soccer-baka." Chinen whispered and they both chuckled.

"Ne, Yama-chan." Inoo smiled widely at him. "You haven't thought about it, right? Here, let me help you." then his senior held both his hands. "Close your eyes. Think... Of the happiest moment in your life. And imagine yourself, having that moment again."

He closed his eyes and listened to Inoo's gentle words, letting his mind work on its own. He smiled as he recalled that day in the kindergarten with Yuto. It really felt heavenly. He loves kids a lot, he wants to have his own already. But he knows he can't. So he can only wish for him and Yuto to have that kind of day again.

"And the person whom you want to share this moment with, is waiting for you by the altar. And this person will be the person whom you are going to share your life until your hearts both stopped beating."

He suddenly opened his eyes. Suddenly, he felt a tingling sensation from his chest down to his belly. He's trying to reject the thought as the results of his imagination is something unacceptable.

"How is it?" Chinen grinned.

He hesitantly smiled back.

"Takaki is so handsome in his wedding clothes, right?"

He turned to Inoo. And the tingling sensation suddenly became heavy in his chest.

"U-unn. Really... Handsome." He chuckled. "I... Think... I'll just go the men's room."

"Ooh~ have you gotten hard imagining how hot your honeymoon too?" Inoo laughed.

"Stupid!" He laughed along before excusing himself.

He immediately washed his face upon reaching the comfort room. He looked at his reflection and he can see how his face turned bright red.

He smirked at himself. "You really lost your mind, didn't you? Get a grip, Yamada!"

Ryosuke was about to leave when he saw Yuto coming in. For a moment, he was frozen in his place. He can't find the strength to move his foot forward and walk away.

Yuto also noticed him and the guy stopped as well. They stayed like that, looking in each other's eyes, as if waiting for the other to break the silence between them.

And Ryosuke's mind is really a traitor for taking him again into his imaginary wedding day that Inoo made. That moment when people sees Takaki Yuya standing by the altar. But it was Nakajima Yuto whom he sees, smiling softly at him, waiting for him. Suddenly, he felt that squeezing in his chest again.

Why is it Yuto? Why not Takaki?

Questions are spinning on his head, but he's afraid to seek for an answer.

"Yama-chan, are you already fapping with Takaki's-- oh!" Inoo came in and stopped upon realizing that Yuto was also there. "Hi, Nakajima!"

Yuto moved his gaze away from him and smiled at Inoo.

"You're as loud as ever, Inoo-chan."

"Yama-chan here just imagined himself getting married to Takaki. And he got a hard on. Can't help it, right?" Inoo laughed, and that's when he got the strength to move his feet and kicked Inoo.

"What the heck! Do you really have to say that?"

"Oh! Looks like you guys are having great time! Keep it up!" Yuto gave them a thumbs up.

Before Inoo could reply, he already dragged his senpai.

"Okay, okay. I get it now, Yama-chan."

He sighed deeply and freed Inoo's wrist. He realized that they were alone in the classroom.

"Let me guess, it wasn't Takaki. Right?"

He avoided looking at Inoo's eyes. He feels really heavy inside and his head is not letting him rest. He needs to let out his thoughts, before he completely loses his mind.

But Yuto is not there. Neither Takaki does. And he can't tell it to Chinen as he would easily jump to conclusions which when it reaches Takaki, it would sound different from what he wants to express.

He's hesitant but he knows Inoo. Inoo is his admired senpai, and a member of the school council. He may be really silly and loud but he can keep his friends' secrets, trust-worthy and accountable. He also shared several heart-to-heart talks with him and none of them was spilled to Chinen nor Takaki.

"Senpai... Senpai, can I ask you a favor? Or maybe, a piece of advice? Or maybe--"

"Sshh!" He was shut by Inoo's finger. "What you need is an ear to listen, and a shoulder to lean on. I can't be Takaki or Nakajima, but you can trust me, Yama-chan." The guy smiled.

Ryosuke pursed his lips and looked into his senpai's eyes. He can't contain the weight anymore and just let out the thoughts bothering him.

"You know, Yama-chan? You should take time to know more about yourself. Maybe you're confused. But I know that if you take a deeper look into yourself, the answer has always been there."


	8. Almost a Fairytale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just by the time when Yuto is getting ready to leave, he found the broken-hearted Ryosuke right by his doorstep.

Yuto's doorbell rang and he immediately closed the zipper of his bag. He's busy packing up and getting ready to leave for his flight on the next day, and he wasn't expecting anyone to drop by.

The term just ended and for him, he no longer has any reason to stay. He can study and finish photography in Paris, where his brother and step-father is at. But he chose Japan because of Ryosuke. However, he accepted that he lost from Takaki. And it also seems that they are planning to get married. Something that he wants to confirm but he is no longer allowed to talk nor see his dearest. 

He's been suffering from longing for him, even harder than the past six years he wasted waiting for the right time but turns to be all in vain.

He opened the door and his heart skipped beats in an instant.

"Yutti..." it was almost a whisper, but Yuto heard the weaken voice of Ryosuke, standing right infront of him with eyes looking red and tired yet still teary, and all soaked from the rain.

"Ryo-chan!" his arms moved on its own to pull the other in a hug. He can feel his heart beating irregularly.

"Yutti..." he felt Ryosuke hugged him back, clenching on his shirt as he sobbed. "Yutti..."

"What happened? Are you okay?"

Ryosuke shook his head.

"Yuya... He broke up with me."

Yuto's eyes widen and his jaw dropped. It took him a moment to realize that he was holding back his breath. His jaw clenched as he gently squeezed Ryosuke in his arms as the latter kept on sobbing.

"We... We can talk about that later." It was against his will to let go but Ryosuke shouldn't be left like that or he'll catch colds. He gently pushed Ryosuke and held his shoulders. "You need to change first. I'll make a bath for you, okay?"

He didn't know if it was his adrenaline rush that made him quickly prepare a warm bath for Ryosuke while the other is waiting in his living room. He also took the clothes he hasn’t used to lend it to his friend. Thoughts running in his mind while mix emotions are overflowing in his chest.

"Ryo-chan?" He called. Ryosuke was staring blankly on the floor while his tears keep running down his cheeks. It hurts him a lot to see Ryosuke like that. He took a deep breath to stop the brimming tears in his eyes. He needs to be strong for Ryosuke. 

He kneeled infront of his friend and lifted his head. He saw the dark circles around the other's eyes, and how swollen they got, like he had been crying all night. And it was a very painful sight. He saw how Ryosuke cried for Takaki countless times, but he never saw those dead eyes. Only today, along with Ryosuke's bad news.

"Ryo-chan, let's go? The bath's ready. You can use my clothes temporarily. They are clean and I haven't used them." He held the shorter's hand and led him to the bathroom.

"Yutti..." Ryosuke whinned and started sobbing again. He can't hold his tears anymore. He bit his lower lip and tighten his holds on the other’s hands.

"If... If you don't stop crying, I'm going to kiss you." he faced Ryosuke. "Look. I'm going to kiss you now." he made a funny kissy face and slowly leaned closer to Ryosuke. From all of the jokes half-meant, it was the joke he wanted to do for a very long time.

It didn't fail to make his beloved cheer a little. In fact, it gained him a playful slap on the cheek along with a faint chuckle.

"So ugly."

He opened his eyes and saw a weak smile on Ryosuke's face. He sniffed and wiped his tears.

"You better stop crying before this ugly kisses you." He chuckled and made the same face, which gained another chuckle from Ryosuke as he entered the bathroom.

He sighed in relief as the door closed.

But is it true? Takaki broke up with Ryosuke?

He punched the wall to let out a part of his anger.

"That guy... After everything that Ryosuke did for him. After all the long wait and patience with your moods and doubts. After all the tears he shed for you, this is what you'll give him? Fuck you, Takaki!" he cursed between gritted teeth.

He wished he can say it to Takaki though. But he knows Ryosuke wouldn't want him to do that.

"If I have known that this is all you'll give him, I should've taken him away from you." he sobbed and looked at the bathroom walls. "I wish it was me. I will never hurt you, Ryosuke."

He went to the sink to wash his face before Ryosuke comes out and finds him crying. He also made a glass of warm milk for him.

When his friend came out, he was already wearing the clothes Yuto lent and the towel was hanging by his head.

Yuto knows it's stupid for him to find Ryosuke adorable in that scene, when he was actually having a heartbreak.

"Ryo-chan. Kocchi." He patted the space on his bed where the other can sit and drink his milk, the kitten he kept has also settled on his lap.

Ryosuke approached him, smiling faintly while drying his hair. He sat as Yuto requested and took the glass in his hand while the other is petting the kitten's head. Yuto just watched him silently, not knowing what to say, obviously trying to avoid anything that can make him recall what happened.

Yuto took the towel from his head and started shuffling his hair with it.

"Ne, Yutti..." Ryosuke whispered while placing the half empty glass on the tray and looked at him. "Can I stay with you? Even just for a while?"

He smiled and gently stroke the messy hair.

"You are always welcome here, Ryo-chan." He answered, completely forgetting that he has to stay away from this guy and start moving on.

But is it really necessary? Now that Takaki broke up with him?

"Does it mean that I now have a chance?" he asked himself.

He let Ryosuke take the kitten to his own lap and cuddled it until it falls asleep.

"This kitty has grown. And really lucky to have you."

"It was because of you that I picked it up. You are Kitty's original parent."

"Unn... Then you became its dad too. It's like, Kitty is our baby." the shorter chuckled faintly. 

Little did Ryosuke know that Yuto has been dreaming of sharing the rest of his life with the former. A dream to have his own Yamada-Nakajima family.

"Hontou ni arigatou..." He felt Ryosuke leaning on him. "I wish..."

"What do you wish for?"

He waited for Ryosuke to finish his sentence, but he has already fallen asleep in his arms.

"Must be really tired..." he pressed his lips on Ryosuke's head, holding him close, before tucking the guy on his bed.

"I wish... I wish to be the one who will make you happy. I wish to see your smile everyday. I wish to watch you sleep, like this... And hold you in my arms. I wish to spend the rest of my life with you, Ryosuke..." he closed his eyes as he pressed his forehead on the other, nuzzling their noses together. "I wish I have the chance..."

He stared at Ryosuke's sleeping figure, until his eyes moved to his plump pink lips. He wondered how those lips would feel in his. 

"You won't know if I kiss you, right?" he whispered and chuckled faintly. "Since you are my princess... But I am not your prince. Neither of us will wake up and stop this pain." He moved back and caressed Ryosuke's cheeks. "And... Our happily ever after is nowhere to be found."

Another tear escaped from his eyes. And before he realized it, he was already crying his heart out.

"I wish it was you and me, not you and him... I wish it was us..." He sobbed, planting a kiss on the shorter's forhead. 

"Rest well, Ryosuke."

\- - - - -

"I found Cassiopeia!"

Yuto watched Ryosuke draw in the air while pointing the sky, tracing the constellation he found.

"How many have you caught already? I'm losing." he chuckled.

He knows how Ryosuke loves to stargaze so when he woke up earlier and had their dinner, he decided to ask him out to the garden and compete on the most count of constellation.

Ryosuke laughed and proudly enumerated the ones he found. It relieves Yuto seeing him slowly going back to his usual self.

"You haven't seen your Taurus and my Leo?"

"No. Leo is probably on the other side of earth while Taurus is not visible from here. As far as I know, they haven't been on the same night sky."

"That's... Sad."

"Isn't it? But who knows? Maybe from another planet, they can be seen together."

He paused. “Same as how we can’t be together in this lifetime? Why even stars can’t live happily together for us?” he sighed.

"I'm sorry if my place is not good to stargaze from, unlike in the playground or in your rooftop."

"It's alright, I'm not complaining. And it's still beautiful." Ryosuke looked at him. "Thank you, Yutti."

Yuto can't help staring into Ryosuke's eyes. It's not as lively nor as bright as they are before, but he can see how those eyes stare back at him gently, warmly.

His eyes widen when he felt something soft touching his lips, his heart skipping beats.

Ryosuke turned away and looked up again. He too, lost of words, let the awkward silence dominate in the air.

"Ne, Yutti..."

He nervously looked at Ryosuke.

"It's okay, right? It's okay if I give him up."

Once again, Yuto couldn't find the words to say when his thoughts are actually flooding his mind.

Ryosuke folded his knees and hugged them, still staring up the sky.

"It's always like this. Everytime we fight. I want to make it up on him, but he pushes me away. There's always a threat that I'll lose him anytime. And it's scary. One wrong move, he'll ask for a break up without even hearing me out. It's tiring. Am I that easy to give up on?"

He listened to Ryosuke's sentiments and he found himself starting to cry as well. He shook his head.

"You aren't. You deserve to be treasured." 

'because if you are easy to give up on, why can't I do it?'

Ryosuke sniffed and wiped his cheeks, then chuckled faintly. "I guess I can't make him happy after all. I... I guess I have to accept his decision for us."

"Ryo-chan... Don't you have plans of getting back with him?"

"I... Don't know. I already tried and tried… It's better this way, I guess? If he has pushed me away for several times... Should I still keep on fighting?"

"You love him, don't you?"

"I do... I don't know what to do anymore." Ryosuke hugged his knees tighter and buried his face on it.

Yuto moved closer and rubbed his back, he sniffed as he listened to Ryosuke's sobs. 

He doesn't know what to do either. He should be happy that Ryosuke is finally free and he can have his chance. But he can't see it that way rather it was painful, especially that he feels guilty for being a reason that Ryosuke and Takaki's relationship has a crack. He doesn't want to see his precious one in pain, and he knows that Takaki is the only answer to relieve this sadness.

"You can't really love someone without being hurt. The reason of your sadness is also your cure."

"What about you?" Ryosuke lifted his head and their eyes meet.

Yuto chuckled and gently patted the other's head. "I'm okay. What makes you happy makes me happy."

"You lied to me. You said you didn't fall that deep."

Yuto was caught off-guard. He just sat there staring at Ryosuke who's waiting for him to answer although it wasn't a question.

"I... I'm late. And I don't want to ruin your happiness."

"Even if it hurts?"

He nodded, flashing a sad smile. "Even if it hurts. Because I love you, Ryosuke. Your smile, your happiness. That's all that matters to me. Even if I'm not the reason behind it."

"Yutti..." Ryosuke's eyes started tearing up again. He cupped his cheeks and planted a kiss on his forehead.

"Please don't cry. I don't deserve your tears."

It was more reason for Ryosuke to cry though, hugging him tightly.

"If I would've known earlier... It could've been you."

Yuto froze in his place, trying to process what Ryosuke said.

It could've been him? For what?

"Ryo-chan..." he clutched on the other's shirt. "I... I know this isn't a good time. You might still be confused, and I know it will take time. I will wait for you." he wanted to smack himself for what he's actually trying to do this time.

Ryosuke pulled away from the hug and stared at him. Yuto showed his necklace with a pair of ring pendants on it.

"I want to give you this. Whenever you are ready, I'll be here for you."

"Yutti..."

"Aa..." He chuckled and rubbed his nape. "I'm sorry for being too pushy. You may be confused by now and... What am I doi--" his awkward chuckled was cut off when Ryosuke shut him up with his lips.

He felt his heart racing again, unable to move nor process what's happening. He felt Ryosuke's lips brush against his. And that's when he finally responded and closed his eyes. His hands moved to cup other's cheeks, gently savoring the heavenly feeling of those sweet lips on his. The feeling that he has long wondered for, and it was even better than he thought.

He felt Ryosuke's hand on his nape, pulling him closer. And he responded by tilting his head as they deepen the kiss. Their sweet kiss became more passionate and longing, as if they have been long holding back themselves from doing so. Which is true in Yuto's case.

Ryosuke started nibbling his lower lip, but he was as competitive as his partner. Fiery, needy. It was even getting hotter as they started feeling each other's skin. And Ryosuke's moan between their liplock session is like a gasoline to the fire burning inside him. He moaned as well, before unwillingly moving away from the heaven he found. He rested his forehead on Ryosuke's, both of them catching their breaths, staring deeply into each other's eyes.

"Ryosuke... I love you. And if you don't know how far a kiss can go, please don't kiss me again."

He pleaded, because he has limits and he knows that one more touch of their lips and he'll snap out of his sanity. He noticed the look on Ryosuke's eyes softened, and held on his sleeves tightly.

"Yutti, I... My feelings for you--"

"Sshh..." Pressing a finger on the shorter's lips. "Don’t say it. Those words aren’t for me…” he smiled faintly. “And it's alright, Ryosuke. I'm not rushing you. I can wait. Even if it takes 5 years, 10, 20 years... Even if I have to wait forever, I will. My heart will only beat for you."

He noticed the tears about to fall and he gently kissed them away.

"It's gonna be okay, Ryosuke." Yuto pulled away and took the other ring from his necklace, held Ryosuke's hand and slowly slip it on his finger. "Everything's gonna be okay. Didn't you use to say that?" His gaze went back to the other’s eyes as he softly planted a kiss on the latter's hand.

Ryosuke sniffed, then chuckled. "Okay." They hugged again, and Yuto felt him smiling through his shirt. "Thank you so much, Yuto."

He snuggled and pulled Ryosuke closer. It wasn't the response he's been waiting to hear, and he's not even sure if he's doing things right, or if the timing is off. All that he knows is that he desperately wants to hold Ryosuke, and to make the moment last forever.


	9. Almost Decided

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryosuke was ready for a formal closure between him and Takaki, but things just doesn't go the way that he planned for it.

Ryosuke stared at his wall. The photo mosaic of him and Takaki is still there. He smiled sadly as he closely checked each photo.

“I’ll always treasure these memories… but you don’t want me anymore.” He bit his lips and rubbed his eyes before the tears he’s been holding back starts falling again.

_“Let’s break up and just be friends.”_

He can clearly hear how Takaki sounded so casual about it.

_“What? Why? What do you mean, Takaki-kun?”_

_“I think we’re better off. I need time.”_

_“I’m sorry if I’m being demanding. I’m sorry for being too much, for asking for your attention. I promise, I won’t do it again. Please don’t break up with me, please!” he started crying while tightly tugging on Takaki’s sleeve, but the latter only shove his hands._

_“I’m leaving you, Yama-chan. If you don’t want to be just friends with me then leave me alone! I don’t want to be with you anymore!”_

_“No no no no! No, Takaki-kun! I can’t!” he sobbed. He tightly hugged his partner’s arm as if his life lies there. “I… I’ll take it. I’ll take it and be just your friend. Just please don’t leave me, Yuya… I can’t live without you. I love you so much! Please don’t leave me.”_

_“Let me go, Yamada.” _

_His eyes widen yet tears keep running down his cheeks. He’s hurting, and Takaki sounds so casual, as if breaking up with his is the same as saying “hello”. And to make it sting even deeper, he was called “Yamada”. _

_“I can’t! I can’t let you go.” He clung tighter but he was pushed away when the other took his arm away from Ryosuke’s grasps. But he was eager and caught Takaki’s arm again._

_“I said let me go! Can’t you understand!?”_

_“Y-yuya… I know you need time. I know you want to focus on your future. But not like this, please. Do you really have to break up with me? I can adjust. I can change. I won’t ask too much—“_

_“I’m breaking up with you because I want to break up with you. I’m tired. You’re always like this! You always say that you’ll change and you’ll make it up for me but you never did.” Takaki took a step to walk away._

_“I promise! I promise I will this time! I promise, I’ll follow whatever you say!”_

_Takaki gave him a tired and cold look._

_“We’re over. Accept that.” Then walked away._

He can still feel the pain. That familiar tightening in his chest and the difficulty in breathing. He shut his eyes and took a deep to gather his strength and courage. Then he cracked a bitter chuckle.

“I knew it. I’m so easy to push away and give up on. I don’t deserve you. You don’t deserve me. I’m a failure.” He pressed his forehead on the wall and sobbed. “I’m so sorry, Yuya.I did my best to be the one for you. But I guess I wasn’t enough, or maybe I’m being too much.”

His sentiments were cut when his phone rung with Yuto’s name registered on the screen. He smiled bitterly.

“While there’s this guy who’s always picking me up…”

He wiped his face but let the phone ring. The call ended after few more ringing before he received a message from the same person, telling that he arrived in Paris and it may take him a while to finish what he needs to do with his step-dad.

Ryosuke also cleared his thoughts and took a deep breath before preparing himself to go out, thinking that he and Takaki should have a proper closure.

As he’s only about to knock on Takaki’s door, it already opened with Takaki rushing out. He also looked sleepless and his face grew stubbles. His graduation is only a week to go but he looked stressed more than ever. And as if everything stopped as they stared at each other’s eyes. Suddenly, Ryosuke’s chest started squeezing again, having the urge to cup the other’s cheeks and embrace him.

“Takaki-kun…” he mumbled.

“Yama-chan!” he was surprised when Takaki hugged him tightly. “I wanted to see you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything I said. I’m sorry, Yama-chan!”

His tears started flowing again, his hands clutching tightly on Takaki’s shirt. He sobbed and he felt the taller guy gently squeezing him in his arms. He can feel Takaki’s embrace. He can smell Takaki’s scent. It was real and it wasn’t his hallucination.

“Takaki-kun…” he mumbled, a little louder this time. His grips getting even tighter.

Takaki broke the hug and held both his shoulders. He saw the tears already running down his cheeks and no longer held back from cupping them and wiping those tears away.

“I’m so happy that you are here. I really want to talk to you. I’m really sorry, Yama-chan. Please forget what I said. What happened. I don’t want to be without you.”

“Takaki-kun… I’m sorry too.” He doesn’t know how to properly reply on that. Things are getting messy in his head again, after making a decision to follow what makes him contented and happy. But at the moment, the guilt of seeing Takaki in pain is making him feel that it’s wrong to just escape and give up.

“Even if you said that I should accept our break up, I can’t.” he shook his head and sniffed, gathering his courage in a deep breath, staring deeply into his partner’s eyes. “I’m sorry for always breaking your heart. Now you’re crying again because of me. I don’t want to see you crying.”

Takaki held his hands and kissed them. “Let’s get back together, Yama-chan.”

He paused. As if a bucket of cold water has been thrown to him. He should be saying “yes” without second thoughts. But for a second, he paused. And that one second, he knows how important it is in making his decision.

With a sniff and pursed lips, he did a single nod. And Takaki’s face brighten up as they shared another hug.

“I love you so much! This time, I really want to make it up for you.”

“Unn… Thank you for giving me another chance, Takaki-kun. I love you too.” The last words were almost a whisper. Ryosuke knows to himself that he still loves Takaki, but he’s unsure if he still has the right to say it to him face-to-face in return of his lover’s sincere expression. “Please don’t cry anymore. I’m really sorry.”

He almost forgot that they are still by the front porch before the older guy pulled him inside his unit and hugged him again.

“I thought I can take it. But it was so painful without you. I missed you so much, Yama-chan.”

Ryosuke chuckled softly while resting his chin on the other’s shoulder. He tried to get rid of other thoughts in his mind and just celebrate with Takaki as their relationship has been restored.

“I missed you too. I… I’m sorry if I hid. I had to heal my heart.”

“I’m sorry for hurting you too.”

“Mou! Let’s stop apologizing already!” he chuckled and snuggled to Takaki’s chest. He’s happy, but he knows there’s something wrong about the situation. There’s something wrong about him.

His partner pulled away a little, just enough to cup his cheeks and pressed their foreheads together. Takaki smiled, and he can’t help smiling back.

“I’m so happy to be with you again, Ryosuke.”

_“Ryosuke…”_

He closed his eyes and owned Takaki’s lips, trying to shove away the other voice inside his head. And his partner responded, pulling him closer by hugging his waist. He placed his palms on Takaki’s chest in return, slightly clenching on it as the latter deepens the kiss.

His mind was too busy wandering, too busy blocking the unnecessary thoughts filling his head. He’s with Takaki and that’s the only thing that should matter at the moment. He’s mind was too busy to even realize that the taller guy already had him lying on the couch as they kiss. He moaned when Takaki softly bit his lower lip before leaving it plump and red.

He stared at Takaki topping him. The latter has his face and ears blushing, and he can feel himself getting red as well. Both of them catching breaths.

The taller guy leaned in again to shower chaste kisses on his neck, and he shut his eyes, lifting his head in the process.

“Ryosuke…”

_“Ryosuke…”_

He sighed, brows a little furrowed.

He felt a warm hand sneaking under his clothes, directly touching his skin which made him shiver.

_“Yuto…”_

He gasped sharply as he felt a soft bite on his shoulder. His eyes flipped wide open and looked at the person marking him.

But it wasn’t _him_.

He stared into Takaki’s eyes. He can see longing in it, and an obvious glint of desire. Which was different from Yuto’s yearning yet hesitant eyes.

_“Please stop me while I can still hold myself.”_

_“But I don’t want you to hold back.”_

_Bold of him to say those words, in a dangerous place such as Yuto’s bed. But that’s how he’s honestly feeling. And Yuto looks helpless. His hair is a mess and it’s very obvious that his mind is too._

_“Ryosuke, if you can’t understand. I have no right over you.”_

_He held up his hand, showing the ring on his finger. “You gave me this ring and I accepted it. Isn’t it enough?”_

Takaki’s hands moves swiftly to unbutton his shirt. He hissed from his partner’s touch, feeling the bare skin of his chest and abdomen while keeping their lips busy.

“I love you so much, Ryosuke…”

_“I love you so much, Ryosuke.” Yuto whispered, their foreheads pressed against each other while breathing each other’s breath, bodies connected and trembling from the euphoria they found. _

He tightly hugged Takaki and buried his face on the others shoulder as he softly sobbed.

“I… I love you too. I love you so much…”

Takaki lifted his chin and kissed him deeply but he held his lover’s hand, stopping him from caressing his thigh. The other also broke the kiss with a confused look on his face, surprised that Ryosuke’s eyes are already glimmering with tears.

“What’s wrong, Ryosuke? Are you okay? Does it hurt?”

“I… I’m fine. I’m sorry. I can’t do it…” he slightly pushed the taller guy and sat up. He hugged his knees and cried, making Takaki in panic.

“I’m sorry if I scared you. I won’t do it again if you don’t want to.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry…”

He kept on sobbing. But the reason for his tears was unsure. He can feel the pain striking him again, suffocating him although it was uncertain of what is hurting him at the moment.

Was it his fear of almost being held by Takaki, when in fact he offered himself to Yuto? Was it the pain knowing that what’s happening right now will break Yuto’s heart? Was it the thought that what happened that night will also break Takaki’s? Or was it the fact that he’s the reason why all of them are hurting?

Takaki hugged him until he calmed down, apologizing repeatedly for what he did, or tried to do. But it was definitely not the reason why. Or maybe it is. For it only reminded him of Yuto.

Moreover, he wasn’t sure of whom his response earlier is directed too.

“I… I need to go to the bathroom.” He excused himself and his lover let him. He washed his face, hoping that it will help him calm his thoughts. But Yuto’s image, from their childhood until that night, kept on invading his mind. He shook his head and slapped his face soundly.

“Make up your mind, stupid!” he cursed between sobs,

He spent a few more moments locking himself inside, crying his heart out, wishing for the pain in his chest to leave him. But it was no use.

“Yama-chan, are you okay? I’m really sorry.” Takaki knocked and his worries are obvious from his voice.

“I’m… I’m fine. I’m coming out.” He fished his phone out of his pocket while his other hand cleaning his face. Then went out of the bathroom after sending a message. “Sorry for making you worry. I’m okay now. Sorry~” he pecked Takaki’s cheek and chuckled, clinging on the other’s arm as they walk back to the couch.

Meanwhile, Yuto was having his lunch-meeting with his step-father’s friend, who is a well-known photographer in France. He excused himself when he heard his phone’s notification. Seeing that it was from Ryosuke, he took the moment to read it.

_“Tell me when you’re coming back. I need to tell you something.” _

With excitement and nervousness overwhelming his chest, he sent his response.

_“I’ll try to be back after 3 days. I have something to tell you too. And I miss you a lot already, Ryo-chan.”_


	10. Almost a Dream Come True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It could've been their happily ever after.

“Ryo-chan!” Yuto exclaimed when he saw Ryosuke inside his house. He dropped his bag and excitedly approached the other, giving him a tight hug. “Aitakatta… I miss you so much!”

He planned to meet Ryosuke soon, but he didn’t expect that the latter will be staying in his house. The last time they were together, he gave a spare key of his house to Ryosuke. Just so there’s also someone who can look after their pet. He was really happy about what’s happening between them, that he’s finally having his chance to the other’s heart. He knows it’s stupid especially that Ryosuke just got his heart broken but he’s taking his chances. All he wants to do is to bring back his beloved’s smile. And it appears that he succeeded.

“Yuto… I miss you too.” Ryosuke hugged back. He noticed the sadness in the shorter’s voice, or was it only him and his longing?

He pulled away from the hug and stared at Ryosuke, gently caressing his cheek while letting himself drown in those lovely brown orbs.

“I’m sorry if I took me a while to come home.” He kissed the shorter’s forehead. His original plan is to stay in France for only 3 days but it took him more than a week to convince his step-father about staying for good in Japan.

“Can you stay a little longer? Or are you going out soon?” Ryosuke asked, staring back deeply into his eyes.

“I’ll stay. I want to take some rest before going out again. The travel is a little tiring. Tadaima!”

“Okaerinasai, Yutti Jyaa!” Ryosuke stood up and help his hand, pulling him to the dining area. “I prepared something for you. You must be hungry too! Let’s fill our tummy first before going to sleep.”

And he obediently followed. They shared the simple curry that Ryosuke made, and later the latter suggested to do the dishes while Yuto is settling his things. It gives him a homey feeling, coming home from work and being welcomed by his loving better half. It was really his ideal family life and he can’t be happier for having Ryosuke with him in that moment.

He just placed his bag in the room and went back to the kitchen. He watched the shorter’s back as he washed the dishes they used.

_Really lovely. _ He thought.

He wrapped his arms around Ryosuke’s shoulders from behind, gently snuggling his head on the latter’s.

“Yuto!” he felt Ryosuke bounce a bit. “Mou! Don’t surprise me like that.” They both chuckled.

“Gomen. You’re really adorable, you know. And I just want to say you’ll make a great wife.” He giggled and planted a kiss on the shorter’s temple.

“Wife? I’m a guy, stupid!”

“I know! I know! But I can’t help it, you’re really adorable!” he laughed, snuggling on Ryosuke’s shoulder, sniffling through his skin. “Wifey…”

“H-hubby…” Ryosuke whispered.

He was frozen, his heart started skipping beats and his cheeks blushing. He held Ryosuke’s shoulders and turned him around, amused how the latter is blushing profusely.

“Say it again?”

Ryosuke only pouted and looked away. “Baka.”

He giggled and tightly hugged again. “You’re so cute, wifey!”

“Stop calling me that, baka! I’m a man and we’re not married!” Then he heard Ryosuke mumbled something that brought him back to his senses.

He let go and chuckled faintly, scratching his nape. “Sorry. I… I can’t really help it. But no worries! You can take your time. I’ll wait.” He went to Ryosuke’s side and helped him wash the dishes.

They took their time to catch up on each other until late at night. He didn’t have to ask Ryosuke about driving home since the latter already announced that he’ll stay for the night, making Yuto happier than he was for the entire day. Being able to hold Ryosuke in his arms every night and waking up seeing his face first is a dream he has always lived for.

_‘You’re not even my boyfriend.’_

He was bothered by his lover’s words earlier. He has a point. They haven’t formally claimed theirselves as lovers but with what’s happening between them, he felt as if it was no longer needed. Ryosuke accepted his proposal. And he felt even more assured as he once again claimed his partner through the night, sharing warmth as they found the heaven in being one.

It was a really good morning for him, waking up with Ryosuke’s shower of kisses and breakfast in bed, as well as showering and dressing up together. He’s living the life he thought he can never have.

“Somehow…”

He looked at the shorter and waited for him to continue what he’s going to say.

“… this… is making me comfortable. Like my own household.” He chuckled shyly and stared at Yuto. “I may not express enough but I’m really happy, Yuto. I’ll surely miss you.”

_He felt the same. Isn’t this too good to be true?_

He flashed a worried smile and properly face Ryosuke.

“I’ve always dreamed of living a life like this with you. But… why are you saying that now, Ryo? It’s okay, you know. I will miss you so much as well. And I’ll wait, no matter how long it takes. I’ll wait for you.” His arms moved to hold Ryosuke’s figure. He felt the latter burying his face on his shoulder.

“Arigatou, Yuto. Demo ne, if you’re tired of waiting… remember that you’re always free to do what you want.”

“Never! Because it will only be you. I already made up my mind and serious about what I said. I will wait for you.”

He heard Ryosuke chuckled softly before pulling back and stared deeply in his eyes, heaving a sigh.

“I wish… I could stare in your eyes everytime. I wish to be by your side everytime. Close to you, like this… There are a lot that I want to happen but some aren’t meant to be that way.” He giggled. “I will miss you… so much that it hurts.”

His worries are getting bigger to the point that he’s starting to fear where things might go. He cupped Ryosuke’s cheeks, gaining his attention and successfully making him stop from his sentiments. _As if he’s telling me goodbye…_

“Remember that no matter what happens, I will still love you. Even if things get tough.” he whispered within a weak smile, slowly leaning closer to lovingly kiss Ryosuke’s lips. He’s been holding back from doing so, thinking that his partner might be feeling that he’s being too touchy, but Ryosuke’s words are beautiful and painful that he can’t stop his heart from throbbing. And he felt Ryosuke gently kissing back before breaking the kiss.

He looked at his beloved who was holding his hands cupping those fluffy cheeks. He felt strange with the other’s sighs while looking down.

“Yuto… Can we… drop this?” Ryosuke almost whispered, voice broken.

He felt his whole world stop, wishing that he heard it wrong.

“I’m sorry, Yuto. I’m so sorry.” Ryosuke bowed deeply while sobbing, and he’s staring blankly, trying to process what Ryosuke means to say.

“Earlier… you said I’m not even your boyfriend. I… It’s true but… what are we?” Ryosuke raised his head but didn’t look at him. “I love you. And even if you can’t say it, I know that you love me too, Ryosuke.” He chuckled bitterly. “I love you and you love me, but we aren’t lovers. What are we? Friends with benefits?”

“I never thought of you as that! I never thought about it as that!”

Their eyes met, both filled with pain and tears.

  
“Then what, Ryosuke? What exactly are we!? What am I to you!?” his voice cracked while the other is staring at him with tears flowing down their cheeks. “Tell me so I can see where my place is in your life.”

“I… I don’t know.”

And again, as if buckets of ice cold water were thrown to him. Maybe he got overly confident when all his basis was his thoughts and Ryosuke’s actions, without any verbal assurance of what they really are. _What am I expecting to hear?_

“Yuto… You are important to me. You have a special place in my heart that no one can ever replace. And I don’t ever want to lose you. You are my home. You are my soulmate.”

He smiled blankly, not knowing what to say or do, finding it hard to talk or move or even breathe.

“Ryosuke… Why are you doing this? Where did I go wrong? Please tell me.”

“Yuya and I… we got back together.”

Ryosuke’s words were like knives, piercing through Yuto’s heart. His dreams crumbled down and everything felt wrong in an instant.

“Ne, Yuto. Do you understand?” Ryosuke asked, cupping his cheeks with trembling hands and forcing a smile. ‘It’s not you. It’s me. You’ve done nothing wrong. You just loved me and I’m really happy to receive such love… But I don’t deserve it. You deserve so much better than this pain. You deserve someone better than this failure infront of you.”

He shook his head, sniffling, snuggling on Ryosuke’s palms. “I love you so much, Ryosuke. No matter what you are, no matter what you become. No one else will ever own my heart but you. Only you. Please don’t leave me.”

“I’m sorry for dragging you to my miseries. Thank you so much for loving me, Yuto… If I will be given another life, I want to hold you. I will choose you over everything and give all my love to you… But this wish isn’t made for this lifetime. I’m sorry. I am choosing Yuya over you.”

“But… R-ryo…”

“And I love him.”

He felt his whole being shattered. It was a painful truth that he has forgotten or never thought about since the night that Ryosuke accepted him, or so he thought. He fell on his knees looked at the ring around his finger, clenching on his chest. “Please don’t do this, Ryosuke.” He begged, looking up at the one breaking his heart.

Breaking him even more was the sight of Ryosuke, taking a deep breath with eyes shut, pulling off the ring he gave from his own finger.

“Yuto… I’m giving it back. Give that to someone who can love you wholly. And that is certainly not me.” Then dropped the ring and walked away.

He hasn’t fully processed everything in his mind. Everything is blurry. The present and the future. All he knows is he can’t let go of Ryosuke. Not now. Not ever.

He picked up the ring and chase after the other, hugging him from behind.

“Please… Don’t leave me, please.” He cried harder on the shorter’s shoulder.

He felt Ryosuke heaving another deep sigh. “D-don’t… don’t make this even harder, Yuto.”

He doesn’t want to listen. He just tightens his hug until he felt Ryosuke sobbing again.

“I’m sorry. Just… don’t go. Don’t leave. If you want me to shut up, I will. I will never talk to you again. But please don’t ask me to stop seeing you, Ryosuke. I can’t.”

“Don’t you get it, Yuto?” Ryosuke sniffed before turning to face him. “I know this will be really painful. But this is for the best. So please, drop your hopes. I am turning you down. I am rejecting your feeling and will erase my feelings for you too. I have things to focus on now, I know it wouldn’t be easy but please. Let’s move on…”

He shook his head hard. “I want to be with you. And you can’t trick me, Ryosuke. You aren’t happy with this. This isn’t what you want.” He cupped the other’s cheeks, staring intently on those expressive eyes that always tells him what Ryosuke truly feels.

“I… I’m already torn, Yuto. Please help me by letting me be firm with my decision. I decided to go with what my family wants. To take over our business and be with Yuya. It’ll be peaceful this way. And you won’t get hurt too. Don’t get involved with me anymore. I caused enough wreckage. Enough pain. I don’t want to see you being hurt again.”

“Then what about you?”

He noticed Ryosuke paused and looked away, smiling faintly. “I’ll be fine. As long as they are happy. As long as you are safe. I’ll be.”

“Ryosuke… Please be honest to me. Just for this moment.” He desperately held Ryosuke’s shoulders. “Am I no longer allowed to hold you? To talk to you? To see you?”

Ryosuke shook his head hardly, crying loudly. “I don’t want to. I want to be with you. I want to hear your voice. I want to see you… But I’m scared of what could happen. I don’t want this, but I have to do this, Yuto.”

He smiled bitterly, feeling his heart on his throat, getting weaker everytime Ryosuke tells him that they need to part.

“Just let my heart rest. You… don’t you love me?”

Ryosuke paused again. He noticed how easily tears formed from those lovely but sad eyes as they stared on his.

“I… I love you. I don’t want to leave you. I love you so much, Yuto. But I have to let you go.”

His tears broke even more with a faint smile and sob.

“May I ask you a favor?” he wiped his beloved’s cheeks with his thumb then held his hand, placing the ring on Ryosuke’s palm and folds his fingers holding it tightly. “Can I keep my promises? I’m not breaking them. Maybe things are hard but… can I wait for you?” he held Ryosuke’s fists close to his chest. “My heart is for you. I won’t open it for anyone else. Can I wait for you?”

“B-but Yuto… you might wait for nothing.” The shorter sniffed. “I’ll just break you even more. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t mind at all. Break me countless times. But can I wait for you?” his weaken arms flew to embrace Ryosuke once again, using his remaining strength to hold back his tears and just spend the last few moments he can with his most precious one. “I don’t mind at all. And you know, I’ll wait even more than a lifetime. I don’t want you to promise me back. I’m just… asking you to keep it. I’m keeping my promises.” He sniffed and tried to smile properly. “Datte hontou ni suki dakara. Even if you love him and that’s stupid from me. I’ll wait.”

“Yuto…” Ryosuke whispered, nodding a bit. “But… don’t stop yourself from falling for someone else. I’m not giving you any assurance that in the end, it’ll be us. I’m sure that you’ll be an amazing father and partner in life. I’m sure you’ll do great in raising the cute Nakajima family. Until then--”

“I’m not loving again. It’ll only be you and forever will be you. So please don’t say that. I can’t imagine this cute Nakajima family you’re talking about without you.” He moved a little away to stare at the man he loves so much. He smiles as he parted Ryosuke’s fringe. “I don’t want this to be the last but… I love you, Ryosuke.”

He moved closer and owned Ryosuke’s lips affectionately, and he felt the latter gently kissing back. He felt bitter-sweet and both of them cried between their one last kiss.

It was him who broke the kiss unwillingly, knowing his limits. Knowing that it’s wrong. Promising himself that it’ll be the last mistake, for he has to help themselves move on. Or actually, help Ryosuke move on. He knows to himself that no matter what happens, he can never move on from his first and only one love.

“I… I’m sorry for the mess.” He chuckled faintly, messily cleaning Ryosuke’s face with his hands.

“It’s alright. I should be the one to apologize.”

They stayed silent, staring at each other before Ryosuke breaks it.

“Let’s start again. This time, away from each other.” The shorter stepped back and smiled. “Thank you so much for having me here. I really enjoyed my stay here. But sorry for the mess I made the day I have to go.” He bowed. “Kiotsukete, Nakajima-san. Ittekimasu.”

“Ryo…” he whispered, holding back his tear from the pain of being formally called by the one who’s got lots of inappropriate nicknames for him.

It’s for the best for them, as Ryosuke said, and he knows that it’ll will all be okay because it was Yamada Ryosuke’s words and he always trusted them. Even against his will, he took a deep breath, trying to gather all his strength to say the words he doesn’t want to say. Even with his heart shattering, he forced himself to smile.

“Itterashai, Ryosuke.”


	11. Almost The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Through the years, he waited. Through the years, he wished upon the stars. All through the years, he thought how he almost got what his heart really wants. But almost is never enough.

A faint smile was registered on his face when he checked his calendar. He took a deep sigh before moving to the shower, hoping that his stress and unnecessary thoughts will be washed away.

Exactly the time he finished his bath was his phone ringing with HIkaru’s name on it.

“Are you asleep by now?” the person on the other line asked.

“Will I be able to answer your call if I am?” he chuckled.

“Just making sure I’m not talking to the sleep-talking buta.” He was teased back.

He laughed. “It’s alright. I’m fully awake. I just finished my shower.”

“Good… Make sure to have proper rest tonight. You’ll have your shoot tomorrow. I want you to look your best for this. And! Don’t cry. ”

“Why do you sound like the manager now? You’re over-reacting!” he teased again.

“Of course I would! This is the first arrangement that I made for you, MANAGER-SAN.” His new secretary emphasized the last word and he can’t stop laughing.

It’s been years since things happened. He finished his business course and started taking over their family’s company. And he personally hired his university senpai to be his secretary. After all, Hikaru is one of the person he could trust, including his other senpai Inoo and Yabu however the couple have their own little business and Hikaru is the only one available for the position.

He also became a public figure. With the growth of their business, he was also introduced to the entertainment world and personally taking care of their business promotions, including commercial and photo shoots.

As for his relationship with Takaki, they went through different ups and downs and they kept fighting over the smallest things, and he realized that things aren’t working out between them the way he wanted it to be.

_“If you keep choosing the same thing and nothing is changing, you might be taking the wrong option.” _He heard what Yabu told him on one of their cool-off days before.

_“Haven’t I told you? Fall in love with a person, not with the thought of being in love.”_ Inoo scolded him.

_“We don’t want to sound like we’re meddling with your relationship. But we’re also getting tired hearing the same sentiments from you. Tired of your drama.” _Hikaru frankly told him.

They may all sound rude, but they are all reliable. And it was for his own good. He thought he made up his mind of choosing Takaki, but the results are different from his expectations.

He tried to be okay and love Takaki again, but he keeps failing. He’s still in love with his lover, but not as much as he used to. And it was for their families’ partnership that made him stay strong through the days, although he knows that what he is doing is wrong. His pretention was for the best, although he didn’t feel any good but just making himself feel heavier, taking the pain and guilt everytime.

It took him a lot of courage to tell Takaki about him and Yuto. They fought, broke up and made up several more times before they had the confrontation where he let out everything. His thoughts and his feelings, and finally choosing Yuto over Takaki.

A week after that and everything went smooth. He knew right there that he made the right decision, for they are no longer hurting each other. No more fights and trivial arguments. And both of them focused on their careers. Ryosuke on his studies, and Takaki on building his own management abroad, taking Chinen with him. Although their parents almost disowned him after knowing the truth behind their break up and Ryosuke took all the blame, he didn’t let it change things this time. He accepted their families’ hatred and suffer on his own silently. After all, he knows how much he deserves it for everything that he has done for Takaki, and the reputation of both Yamadas and Takakis. Fortunately for him that he’s the only son who his parents need in taking over their company.

He also felt sorry on how bad Takaki fell, but he knows that it was best for them. They remained friends, but he distant himself to help the other move on and stop hurting. And he was relieved when he heard that Takaki is going out with Daiki, who has taken care of his ex-lover from the start.

There’s another problem though.

He chose Yuto, yet the latter has no idea of what’s happening because he himself doesn’t know where the guy went.

The day that he said goodbye was also the last time that they talked. He can’t properly say goodbye, he needed to gather all his strength and hold himself from going back to Yuto. He knew he went too far, but Yuto made him realize his dream. To live a life, not too elegant or luxurious, but a simple with the ones he loves. With the person who makes him feel contented.

He tried his best not to contact Yuto, nor ask his friends. He chose to lock himself on his room instead, crying his heart out, trying to accept the decision he thought would be best for them. At the same time, reminiscing all those stolen moments they had together, for those moments are the most beautiful days he has ever seen in his life and wishes to live with it for as long as his heart is beating.

It took him some time to recover from the heartbreak, and used the entire summer vacation to cope with the changes in his life. With Takaki and their families. And eventually, falling on despair of being in love with the person he can never be with.

He hasn’t heard anything about Yuto except that he’s no longer in Japan. He wasn’t there anymore on their succeeding years in the university. He wasn’t there when the double wedding of Inoo with Yabu, and Keito with Hikaru happened. And he wasn’t there when Ryosuke was falling hopelessly in love with him.

Ryosuke had the thought that maybe he’s in France, with his step-father and brother. But he doesn’t have enough courage to search for them. Especially that he knows how much it must’ve hurt Yuto with his words. He’s afraid that his dearest one has fallen in love with someone else and forgot about their promise.

“Ne, Yutti…” he stood by the rooftop, looking up at the sky. “Happy birthday!” he chuckled faintly. “I wonder how you celebrated your birthday this year. How long has it been since we celebrated it together? 7 years? That’s been so long.” He sighed.

It became his habit every night to watch the stars before going to sleep, talking to himself as if he’s talking with Yuto beside him, like they used to.

He took a deep breath and looked at his ring.

“Just so you know… I never took it off. I’ll hold on to your promise.”

Ryosuke held his hand close to his chest, closing his eyes.

“I want to see you again. I wish to be with you. And even if I didn’t promise you anything… this time, I will wait for you. Maybe… just maybe… but may destiny allow us this time, give us this time to make it right.” His tears started to rush down his cheeks. The smile on his face becoming sadder.

He wasn’t sure of anything but his feelings for Yuto. It may be pathetic or silly but he promised himself to wait, no matter how long it takes, for Yuto to come back. He can feel his heart beating, waiting, yearning to be with his soulmate after all these years. And while waiting, all he can do is to wish upon the stars for them to meet again.

\- - - - -

Hikaru smiled widely when his call with Ryosuke ended. He looked at his bestfriend with a thumb up. And Yabu’s eyes disappeared with his bright smile.

“I wonder how your husband is doing though. He better take care of our guest.” Inoo commented as he sip from his beercan.

“Don’t worry about Keito. I know he’s doing his job properly.” He placed each of his arms on the couple’s shoulders. “I can’t wait to witness another wedding!”

“They should seriously work it out this time.” Yabu shook his head.

“You mean they must!” Inoo added. “Took them so long. This time should be the right time.”

The three made a toast and drank.

“Yeah. Maybe this time…”

**おわり**


End file.
